


Only Mine

by DawnSkull



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Clubbing, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, I'm soft for JunDong friendship, Love Triangles, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mentions of Smut, Mentions of Suicide, Seungri cameo, Winner cameo, Wistful, it's mostly okay I promise, platonic JunDong, romantic JunBin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-06-01 09:17:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15139952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnSkull/pseuds/DawnSkull
Summary: “Then kiss me,” Junhoe demanded.His one dream was for Hanbin to become his, and only his.However, he resented the fact that he hurt Donghyuk in the process of having his dreams come true....The story of a messed up thing called love and the struggle to hold onto a precious friendship.





	1. I Found You

**Author's Note:**

> I got this prompt from a buddy on Twitter. Dang, they've got some great ideas I swear.

Junhoe strode across the college grounds with a peacock-like swagger; head held up high, chin up and chest puffed out proudly. By both of his sides clung two beautiful girls of his age, popular and model-worthy, both fighting over the attention of the respected jock of their batch. Whiny pleads, pink pouts and lingering touches were sent to him, and they made his skin crawl; because they knew nothing of personal space.

However, Junhoe couldn’t find it in himself to push them away—or he was just too lazy to deal with petty girls sulking. On the plus side, having them around gave the on-lookers a little idea of who he was: a king, a player, yet an overall no-nonsense man.

Girls weren’t the only ones who went gaga over him. Guys were no less than the same, all wrapped around his finger with a simple charming smirk, a flirty wink or a sexy quirk of his brow. Junhoe’s first impression was always an intimidating yet a greatly alluring one, making just about anyone crave for him until they dropped to their knees and begged.

It was easy for Junhoe to satisfy his shallow pleasures. While most students kept their gazes low and their hands to themselves, Junhoe just knew that they were dying to get into his pants, guys and girls alike. Even those who already woke up with satisfyingly sore lower regions came back to him not long after, wanting to get filled once again; to get pounded into the mattress until the whole bed shook.

Junhoe didn’t get why some of them bothered to stay loyal to him. In class or practically anywhere around campus, Junhoe treated everyone equally; cold, nonchalant and unresponsive, straight to the point at all times.

All the memories of being intimate with anyone were just thrown away to the back of his mind where he would not ever bother to dig up. They still stuck around though, but Junhoe decided not to care. One-night-stands or more, they all meant nothing in the end.

Junhoe couldn’t commit himself to anything serious; he didn’t want to. The attachment, the emotions and the whole idea of commitment scared him, although he would never admit so to anyone. Falling in love, he had done it once, but it became the most regretful part of his life.

Maybe that was when Junhoe lost his ability to feel, to express and to communicate. Maybe that was when Junhoe decided to shut his heart from the merciless dangers of the so-called beautiful world. Maybe that was when Junhoe gave up.

Junhoe only nodded to the ladies who waved him goodbye, not even hearing the words they said as they left for their class. He sighed, finally free of hopeful, expectant people.

Enjoying the silence that came with solitude, a sudden cry was heard from the balconies of the literature faculty building nearby. It was followed by gleeful laughter, so Junhoe looked up to see the cause of the commotion. When his gaze reached the balcony, he was met with eyes that stared right back at him.

Junhoe himself couldn’t explain why he stayed like that for a good minute or two, eyes busy tracing the curves and edges of the man’s face, every once in a while fleeting back to the dark chocolate eyes that were beyond captivating.

His nose was big—Junhoe noted—but it was perfect. It fit nicely in the space between his two beautiful eyes, shaped to compliment his high cheekbones, and under it was a pair of plump lips that slowly pulled up into a smile.

The smile was soft, a sincere yet wordless greeting, and it lifted the man’s cheeks oh so slightly. Junhoe didn’t think the man could get any more perfect, but the smile proved him wrong, and it shot a zing right into Junhoe’s chest, making his heart beat rapidly all of the sudden.

The man’s soft smile was pulled to one side and his brow raised, and Junhoe finally realized that the man was smiling at him. “Was smiling” was an accurate phrase to use, because the man was now smirking teasingly, still waiting for Junhoe’s belated response. The blood rushed to Junhoe’s cheeks due to embarrassment, but Junhoe held himself together and pulled off his own trademark smirk.

Junhoe had somehow tilted his head. He didn’t know why he did it, because the pose was usually what the cuter youngsters did, and not him, but it made the man up on the balcony giggle. The giggle sounded like an angel’s song to Junhoe’s ears, chiming gently and making his heart flutter.

Junhoe felt himself panic internally. He didn’t get why he was feeling the way he did. He wanted to know the man’s name. He wanted to know about his story, his interests and the things he loved. 

“Hanbin!” Before Junhoe could even open his mouth to ask, the man was spun around by a slightly older looking guy with bright purple hair, and then they kissed, lips gliding so passionately that Junhoe’s heart dropped to his stomach.

Junhoe continued to stare, cold eyes watching as the beautiful man— _his beautiful man_ —kissed back just as heatedly, arms hooking around the other’s neck and hands in the other’s hair. Junhoe felt his stomach churn, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. The kiss lasted for what seemed like hours, a small moan escaping wet lips before they broke for air.

“Come on, babe. Let’s go,” the older looking one said in a husky voice as he turns to leave. The prettier one nodded, still panting, and turned back to Junhoe, displaying his kiss-swollen lips in a small smile.

Junhoe didn’t smile back this time, and he clicked his tongue and turned his head away, not bothering to hide his disappointment. He couldn’t hear the falter in the man’s smile, and he couldn’t hear his footfalls as he left either. Junhoe turned back to an empty balcony, lacking the presence of an angel that belonged to someone; someone who wasn’t Junhoe.

_Get a grip on yourself, Junhoe. He’s just the same as the rest._

But that man wasn’t, Junhoe knew, but he tried to not think of that.

_So his name is Hanbin._

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.

Junhoe hadn’t seen his angel for a while, weeks passing with hope that he’ll catch a glimpse of the beautiful man but to no avail, the man couldn’t be found anywhere, not even at the same literature building. Junhoe couldn’t really say that Hanbin disappeared though, because he wasn’t really looking for him. He had a tendency to float around aimlessly, heart wanting to find something missing yet his mind telling him that he had all he needed.

Junhoe started to distance himself from his loyal entourage. They would try to get close to him, to accompany him to anywhere he went as per usual, sharing stories and gossips which Junhoe never paid attention to, but every time that happened Junhoe just shrugged them off. He needed some space, he would say, and whatever company that was there could only respect his wishes and leave.

Junhoe preferred to be alone. But that was when his mind would drift off to the Hanbin’s face again; his beautiful smile, shining bright eyes and the crinkles on his face when he let out a heart-warming laughter. His chest swelled whenever he thought about it. It was a weird feeling, because Junhoe had never felt that way towards anyone before.

It wasn’t the common infatuation; a crush that would lead to the bed or nowhere. It was a lot more; too much that Junhoe couldn’t actually comprehend, because really, he didn’t even know the man. All it took was a soft gaze and a smile, and the image stuck itself permanently in the front of Junhoe’s mind.

Unfortunately, thinking about Hanbin was not all butterflies and cotton candy. The contentment only lasted until his brain decided to betray him; to replay the scene of another man kissing his full lips, devouring his hot breaths and hogging up all his attention.

What was worse was that Hanbin kissed back, letting his body sway in the other’s arms and forgetting completely that someone was watching. Junhoe’s mind seemed to exaggerate the sounds that Hanbin made against the other man’s lips. Pleased, submissive sounds echoed in his head, sounding like they were a loud statement of the angel’s pleasure.

The thoughts made the warmth in Junhoe’s chest turn to pain, and the swelling of his heart became suffocating.

Thunk!

“Egh, okay. Enough is enough. What the heck is wrong with you, Koo Junhoe?”

Junhoe grumbled incoherently, because he wasn’t really saying words anyway, and he kept his face flat on the Shakespeare anthology that lay open on his desk. He felt his ear getting tugged. It wasn’t like those pulls that mothers tend to do, but it was more like short and annoying tugs that forced him to turn and face his best friend’s worried expression.

Eyes right below furrowed eyebrows stare patiently at him, waiting for his answer, but Junhoe didn’t really want to talk about it—or maybe he did—but he just shrugged. That brought out an unimpressed look from his friend.

“It’s nothing, Dong. I’m serious. I’m just a little stressed out,” Junhoe said, trying to brush it off but his friend, Donghyuk, remained adamant.

“Right. The thing is that you never stress out like this. You’ve been sighing tenfold and the floor’s littered with crumpled up paper. I mean, dude, you rarely scrap any of your poems. Now I don’t think you’ve shown me one for almost a whole month! Something is clearly wrong,” Donghyuk said in an admonishing tone at first but then his voice softened towards the end.

Junhoe could only let out a deep sigh and shut his eyes tight. Donghyuk was right. He had been acting a little too differently for too long to pass as a moody season. He felt like it was stupid to admit, though, that maybe, just maybe, he had fallen in love.

Suddenly, gentle fingers started to card through Junhoe’s tousled up hair, combing the strands away from his face. Junhoe cracked an eye open to see Donghyuk frowning absentmindedly. Junhoe could see the cogs turning in his friend’s head. He could tell that Donghyuk was thinking of what to say, and while he was at it he decided to provide some physical comfort for his troubled childhood friend.

While Junhoe didn’t like the idea of anyone passing his personal space and initiating physical contact with him—but he somehow had people all over him anyway—Donghyuk’s actions were appreciated.

Donghyuk had seen him in his worst of days, even back when he lost his first love, and he was always there to be the big brother when Junhoe needed one, and Junhoe would do the same in return when it was needed.

“I don’t like seeing you this way, you know,” Donghyuk finally spoke, and Junhoe sighed for the umpteenth time just that day.

“I know,” Junhoe replied in a small voice, all unlike the kingly demeanor he always had up in front of everyone else. The awkward and fragile Junhoe was something only his family knew of, and that included Donghyuk, because Junhoe felt like he had been there for as long as he could remember.

“If I’m guessing correctly, but I kinda hope I’m not, I’m thinking that it has something to do with… a crush? I doubt you’ll ever betray me as far as dating in secret and never telling me, so yeah. You, right now… You remind me of back then,” Donghyuk paused for a while, hesitant.

“…Back then with Jinhwan-hyung.”

Junhoe winced at the name, as if the name was a dagger and it pierced into his chest, making his face scrunch up in pain as he bled nothing but regret. Donghyuk’s hand that played with his hair quickly shifted to rub circles into Junhoe’s back, soothing the wound he reopened.

“Sorry,” Donghyuk muttered, surprised to see how Junhoe was still heavily affected by his past. Or maybe it was because Junhoe had been exhausting himself lately, so his feelings were fragile, and his memories were fresh.

“No. It’s okay,” Junhoe mumbled against the book under him before he straightened up slowly, taking a deep breath as he slumped into his chair.

“You’re right, though. It’s a crush. A stupid one,” Junhoe hissed, hating himself for getting so worked up over someone he didn’t even know.

“Tell me about it?” Donghyuk prompted, listening attentively. Junhoe frowned and closed his eyes, but he took a deep breath to talk.

“I just- I just saw this guy up on the lit.’s balcony. He was beautiful, Dong. Like, I’ve never seen anyone like him. I stared at him, stupidly, but he stared back just the same. And then he smiled!” Junhoe flung his hands up to his hair to pull on it slightly, feeling a small headache coming up from just verbalizing his memories.

“His smile was beyond ethereal. Then he laughed too. Call me crazy, but I think I saw light rays shining from right behind him.”

Donghyuk looked at him weirdly. “And you’re stressed out because?”

“Because someone flew in and kissed him,” Junhoe said monotonously, all the enthusiasm from earlier dissipated in a blink of an eye. “And he kissed back. I think they’re dating. Hooray.” Junhoe’s face showed clear disappointment.

Donghyuk shifted in his own chair and hummed in thought. “Do I know this guy?”

“Nah, I doubt so. I’ve only just met him myself. Or seen him, because we didn’t talk at all.” Junhoe dropped his arms to his sides and turned to Donghyuk with a wry smile. Donghyuk’s eyebrows raised a little, and then he smirked, leaning over to rest his elbow on their desk then his head in his hand.

“So it’s like love at first sight.”

Junhoe scowled immediately. “No,” he retorted simply, but he wasn’t sure if he was being truthful. Then again, he might have been actually trying to convince himself that no, he was not in love, and no, love at first sight didn’t exist because it was dumb.

“Sure,” Donghyuk dragged out teasingly, obviously not believing Junhoe’s word. “So I guess it’s fine if he has a boyfriend then. You don’t have feelings for him, after all,” Donghyuk said in a sarcastic voice, making Junhoe straighten up and glare at him.

“No!” Junhoe snapped, but he only realized what he said a second after and his cheeks flushed slightly. He groaned, followed by a face-palm for himself.

“Well, I hope you don’t ever see him again then.”

“What the fuck, Dong?” Junhoe gave Donghyuk a surprised look, completely taken aback by his chingu’s hopeful thoughts. Donghyuk shrugged lightly.

“He’s got someone right? You’re not planning to mess up what they have, are you? You’re not the type to get yourself into that kinda trouble, I know. Stay away from him, June,” Donghyuk said and his tone suggested that there would be no debating.

Junhoe wanted to say something, but his mouth that was open only closed back, because he knew that what Donghyuk said was right. He wanted to see Hanbin again, though. He wanted to heal his tired eyes with the man’s beauty, and maybe hear him laugh one more time. The thought of avoiding all that when that was all he wanted set his heart to discontent.

Donghyuk could see the conflicted look on Junhoe’s face, so he took a hold of Junhoe’s upper arm and squeezed it gently.

“Listen. I don’t want people getting hurt, okay? Especially you. I don’t mind having to go back and do everything I did one more time, maybe even a hundred more times just for you, but I don’t want you to go through that again.” Donghyuk talked slowly, to make sure Junhoe understood. “I don’t want to see you like that again.”

Junhoe looked into his childhood friend’s eyes, and all he could see was the concern and support of a brother. He nodded, but he wasn’t sure why.

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Junhoe threw back his shot and let the taste of alcohol burn his throat. The main lights were dim and many smaller lights shone on the energetic youngsters on the dance floor, throwing colors that highlighted the drunk and hyper.

Junhoe was alone; a rare case. No one knew he would be over at the club that night, because Junhoe avoided everyone, purposefully not wanting them to come along. He wanted to be alone in whatever peace sitting in a club booth could bring, free from having to deal with anyone, only letting the loud music boom into his ears as he took in glass after glass of his favorite drinks.

Pushing his shot glass to the middle of the table, someplace he wouldn’t knock it over by accident; Junhoe leaned back against the seat, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The place smelled like alcohol, sweat and, faintly; smoke. Junhoe chose to sit at the booth farthest from the smoking area, because he hated the smell to the uttermost point, but that meant that he was closer to the music and the crowd of dancing people.

_You give some, you get some._

He chose to come to the club anyway.

Sitting alone in the club proved to be boring, especially when Junhoe could hear the cheers and laughter of the clubbers close by. The mere sound of enjoyment mixing in with strong beats made his foot tap against the floor; he started to feel restless.

The music quieted down; the song was about to change. Junhoe huffed.

“Ah, why not?” Junhoe muttered, giving himself the green light to give in to his wild side. He called over one last glass and downed it with one swig before standing up, tugging his dark gray flannel off, leaving only his white fitting shirt underneath which showcased the impressive curves of his toned muscles. He took off his black cap and tossed it to his seat, exposing his identity completely, and he ruffled up his hair—ready.

One step on the dance floor and the people started turning their heads, their attention set on the man who once owned the night.

Junhoe was energetic, his moves were eye-catching, he was loud and above all he had looks to die for. It was easy to get the entire floor hyped up and moving to his rhythm, to his style; under his control. Screams and cheers erupted continuously, peaking in volume when Junhoe slipped in a sexy move complete with a lip bite.

Sometimes it seemed like he directed his charm to specific people, but really, he didn’t. He didn’t want anyone to think they were special, to think they had more than the rest. He didn’t want to disturb couples either, because the aftermath would be headache-inducing. He didn’t want anyone to suddenly think he was interested in them, because he was not. He was just having fun in being himself.

Lost in the upbeat music again, Junhoe closed his eyes as he let his limbs moved freely, feeling the song’s tune carry them wherever it pleased.

“I knew you looked familiar,” Junhoe suddenly heard from behind him. Before he could stop and turn to face the source of the voice, he was nabbed at the wrist and turned with a pull. His body collided with another person’s, chests pressed up against one another’s but he couldn’t pull away, because there was a strong arm behind him that held him into place.

Junhoe eyes were wide with surprise when he finally faced the person, the man; _Hanbin_.

“Hey sexy,” Hanbin murmured as he swayed his hips, dancing suggestively against Junhoe. Junhoe was dancing too. He thought the shock would have frozen him, but then maybe he really did let the music give his body a mind of its own.

Both of Hanbin’s arms made their way around Junhoe’s waist, keeping Junhoe close, and Junhoe hooked his own arms around the other’s neck almost immediately. The move felt like second nature, so seamless, so familiar as if Junhoe had done it for years. But he didn’t know Hanbin, and Hanbin didn’t know him. That feeling was unexplainable.

“Hey,” Junhoe replied, daring to gaze into Hanbin’s eyes.

The eyes that stared back were mesmerizing; holding a beauty beyond comprehension. Gentle curves outlined the darkest of brown eyes, almost as dark as Junhoe’s black ones, and the way they slanted gave Hanbin a sharp look, but a soft one at the same time. They were captivating and alluring; patient, but dangerous.

“Don’t look at me like that, June. I might fall in love,” Hanbin said playfully, but Junhoe felt the heat rise to his cheeks. Junhoe snickered, seeming totally calm when there were actually butterflies fluttering unsettled in his stomach. If it weren’t for the multicolored lighting, the taint of red on the tips of his ears would have easily been noticed.

Along with the music they shifted, Hanbin turning his back towards Junhoe while Junhoe grabbed his waist, hips still swaying easily to the beat.

“You know my name, babe?” Junhoe asked before he pressed a wet kiss onto Hanbin’s neck, eliciting a rather cute giggle from the older. It was unexpected, considering the mood they were in, but Junhoe loved it.

“I don’t think it was possible to miss how the whole club roared it when you came over,” Hanbin said.

Hanbin raised his hand to Junhoe’s hair and ran his fingers through it, leaving it there when Junhoe leaned in to bury his nose into the crook of Hanbin’s neck. It was really just a way for Junhoe to hide his embarrassment from realizing that yes; his name was repeated like a mantra throughout his presence there. It was his nickname, at least.

When Junhoe raised his head, Hanbin turned his head and nuzzled at Junhoe’s jaw before he whispered.

“I’d like to know your real name, though.”

And suddenly Hanbin slipped out of Junhoe’s hold and he took Junhoe by the hand, guiding him out of the noisy crowd—somehow unnoticed, but that could be because Junhoe blew their minds away along with their alertness—and Junhoe stumbled to catch up.

“Junhoe. Koo Junhoe,” Junhoe called out with a grin. Hanbin looked over his shoulder and smiled, but there was something in his eyes that told Junhoe it wasn’t merely a simple smile.

When they reached a more private corner in the area, Junhoe was jerked forward and his back was slammed against the wall. The suddenness made Junhoe gasp. He stood there wide-eyed, watching as Hanbin pinned him down immovably, a corner of his lips twitching upwards.

“Koo… Junhoe…” Hanbin said slowly, as if testing the name on his tongue. Junhoe liked how it sounded; smooth and unforced like it was meant to be said by him.

Hanbin dipped down and started peppering kisses down the length of Junhoe’s neck. Junhoe squirmed slightly, but he didn’t push Hanbin away. In all honesty, Junhoe liked the feeling. He wanted more.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what my name is?” Hanbin asked and his teeth grazed at the skin right at the dip above Junhoe’s collarbone. Junhoe flinched. He was sensitive there. No one knew, though, because Junhoe never let anyone explore his weaknesses. But there Hanbin was, grinning as if he uncovered treasure, and then he dived in to nibble and suck on the soft skin.

Junhoe quietly let out an involuntary moan, unknowing of the red patch that bloomed on his collarbone.

“H-Hanbin, right?”

“Hyung,” Hanbin added. Junhoe nodded at that, understanding the statement of seniority.

“So where did you hear my name, hm?” Hanbin questioned, pressing himself up against Junhoe. His hips made contact with Junhoe’s, and Junhoe was aware of the hardening bulge that collided with his own.

“I heard your… boyfriend say it,” Junhoe mumbled. He was suddenly conscious of the situation, of how he was getting intimate with a man who belonged to someone else. He was unsure, but his mind screamed _mine!_

“Oh, Bobby? No surprise there, I guess.” Hanbin started to move, gliding his hips up and down against Junhoe, grinding slowly. Junhoe was conflicted, and Hanbin noticed it immediately when Junhoe’s body turned rigid.

“Don’t worry.” Hanbin traced a finger down Junhoe’s jawline then hooked it under his chin to make him look up.

“He knows I do this. He does it too, so it’s alright,” Hanbin said, giving a reassuring smile.

Junhoe had a flash of a wistful feeling. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to know why.

“Then kiss me,” Junhoe demanded.

Hanbin obeyed, holding onto the base of Junhoe’s neck before taking Junhoe’s lips in his. Junhoe’s arms immediately flew around him, pulling him in deeper, a hand rubbing Hanbin’s back while the other sliding down to his ass, groping it through jeans. They kissed—rushed, hot and wet—and their hips rocked back and forth to their own rhythm, ignoring the music in the distance.

“I want you, Junhoe,” Hanbin breathed when they finally parted, panting softly and staring into each other’s eyes.

“What will you do if I’m yours?” Junhoe asked, teasing but not, a smirk stretching his kiss-swollen lips. Hanbin bit his own lip.

“Maybe this-” Junhoe was flipped over and now he faced the wall. Hanbin bucked his hips up against Junhoe’s ass, and he dry-humped him against the wall. The stimulation plus the friction Junhoe received from rubbing against the wall made him moan faintly. “-and so much more.”

Junhoe thought of his options, but his lust and the alcohol clouded over his better thinking. In the end Junhoe went with it.

He thought that even though Hanbin wasn’t his, at least for that night, he would let himself become Hanbin’s.

It might be as close as he could ever get to anything he dreamed of having with Hanbin.


	2. You Made It So Easy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I _know_.  
>  I put the tag discontinued and stuff but then someone was still waiting for another chapter so I felt bad lol.  
> It's hard for me to write this because I'm on a flip flop between making it angsty or fluffy.  
> I think I've made a horrid concoction of both :/  
> Either way, I'm sorry not much happened in this chap. I think this fic might be a slow burn?  
> Maybe maybe? I have noooo idea.

That night… It was probably the most intense night for Junhoe. He secretly thanked the heavens that Donghyuk went away for a family outing, because he wouldn’t know what to do if he had to face the disappointment of Kim Donghyuk.

Donghyuk told him not to meddle, and Junhoe never did before. He listened to Donghyuk’s words. But the man who captured Junhoe’s heart made Junhoe cross that, and he meddled; taking what wasn’t his, disturbing something that was supposed to remain undisturbed.

Junhoe let himself collapse onto the ruffled up bed spread, patches of it soiled with milky fluid. His chest rose and fell with heavy breathing, sweat making his skin slick and shiny. Hanbin lay down beside him, equally spent and silent as well.

A minute later, Junhoe was pulled into his arms, and they shared chaste kisses; which was weird if the small, sober part of Junhoe thought about it. What they were doing was wrong. Wiping each other off because both were too tired to shower, whispering softly to each other’s ears, cuddling in warmth that was too comfortable to leave—it was all wrong.

But then it just felt so right.

Junhoe ended up closing his eyes, but there was a fear that Hanbin would somehow slip away and leave him in the middle of his slumber, so Junhoe’s arms tightened around him. He wanted to keep him in place, and keep him by his side until he was ready to finally let go. However, he knew that once sleep overtook him, he would lose Hanbin forever.

.  
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.Junhoe woke up the next morning to a dimly lit room, the rays of the late-morning sun soothed by almost translucent blinds that covered the windows. He turned his head a little and knew immediately that he was back on his pillow, and not on the warm chest that he laid his head on before. The corners of Junhoe’s eyes stung and his heart started to ache.

Junhoe saw that his bolster was on the other end of the bed. For something that he would snuggle into every night without fail, it was rare to see the bolster even an inch away from him. He supposed that he didn’t need it last night, but now he wanted to bury his face in it and maybe scream out his frustration more than ever.

When Junhoe was about to reach over, he realized that the weight on his chest wasn’t there because of the pain, but rather because someone was curled on top of him, their face burrowed into the space where his heartbeat could be heard clearly.

“Hm?” That someone hummed before lifting his head. He shot Junhoe a breath-taking smile, eyes partially lidded. He did not react when Junhoe’s heart pounded loudly against his ribcage. Junhoe couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Morning, Hanbin… hyung,” Junhoe greeted, but he mumbled the last part weirdly, still getting used to the honorific. Actually, he was still getting used to saying Hanbin’s name, touching Hanbin’s skin and just… everything. They had only just met, after all, and that fact alone was a little too hard to process.

Hanbin made it so easy for him.

“Good morning, kitty. You sure had your beauty sleep… I’m gonna miss a class now because of you,” Hanbin said, his voice slightly raspy from sleep—and maybe from screaming too much—and he chuckled softly, absentmindedly playing with Junhoe’s fingers.

“Egh, sorry,” Junhoe grumbled first, not meaning to cause any inconvenience to Hanbin. He blinked the bits of sleep out of his eyes, and then they shot wide open.

“Wait… kitty? Oh my god, did we do something kinky yesterday? I don’t remember anything like that,” Junhoe blabbered in a panicky tone which made Hanbin laugh again.

“No, baby. We were pure vanilla yesterday,” Hanbin said and winked. “You just look like a cat when you sleep, that’s all. And you hum when I play with your hair too, just like a cat’s purr.”

While the explanation relieved Junhoe, the tips of his ears reddened. Who did Hanbin think he was to say something like that so easily? Why did he have to sound so affectionate? Junhoe decided that it was time to change topics.

“Heh. Anyway, sorry I overslept. You could’ve just left, you know,” Junhoe said.

“The bathroom’s there and the exit is not too hard to find,” he mumbled. Junhoe was conflicted between feeling good that Hanbin was there, and feeling that Hanbin should have left him. He should have left Junhoe so he could go on with life. But now, right there… _why?_

“But I didn’t leave. Didn’t want to yet,” Hanbin said simply. He lifted himself off of Junhoe and Junhoe watched as Hanbin leaned in close to press a quick kiss to his lips— _unnecessary!_ , Junhoe’s mind screamed—before Hanbin sat up. He winced a little but it was hardly noticeable.

“Let’s go clean?” Hanbin asked and Junhoe nodded without fully processing what Hanbin said.

“Sure, go ahead,” Junhoe said, and Hanbin blinked at him before he smirked.

“I said _let’s_ , Junhoe,” Hanbin said and shook his head, looking like he was about to laugh again at any moment.

 _No… Can I say no? You’re not even supposed to be here. You were supposed to leave earlier… I’m no one to you. You’re not supposed to treat me this way. Do you not know how one-night-stands work? Just leave… please._

While Junhoe’s mind protested, his body was already moving to sit up, but then a sharp pain shot up his spine. “Ah-“ Junhoe gasped and leaned forward to support himself with his hands. The pain was small, but he had never felt this kind of pain before. Last night, he really did do the things that he would never have done before.

Hanbin coaxed him. Hanbin was dangerous.

“Was I too rough?” Hanbin questioned teasingly, but he helped Junhoe get off the bed and onto his feet. Junhoe clicked his tongue.

“Nah, you were just dealing with a virgin’s hole.” Junhoe said over his shoulder as he rummaged his drawers to retrieve a clean towel for Hanbin. “ _I,_ on the other hand, made you feel so good you screamed my name,” Junhoe said rather proudly as if he won some kind of competition.

“Hey, it’s hard not to when you’re stretched out and pummeled by a jackhammer,” Hanbin said wryly, but then Junhoe remembered how at one point “yes” was the only word that Hanbin could speak, so the pride stayed with him.

“You’re definitely welcome.”

Hanbin rolled his eyes before he walked into the bathroom. After some inner conflict, Junhoe reluctantly stepped in after him.

_You’re not thinking of sex in the shower, are you? Is that why you want me there too?_

Junhoe’s assumption was incorrect—fortunately or unfortunately, he couldn’t really tell—because they really just stepped in to clean themselves, among some other little things.

They took turns. Junhoe was content with just standing at the side while Hanbin stood under the showerhead—the shower box was big enough for the both of them—and he silently watched as his hyung cleaned himself, admiring his body and how the water ran down all over it.

Junhoe was conscious of their relationship status; acquaintances that have just screwed. He knew his place, but Hanbin didn’t, because Hanbin pulled him under the water and kissed him, and Junhoe didn’t get how he was so weak against Hanbin. He could never push Hanbin away. His automatic response was to kiss back, and he cursed himself for it.

The kisses stayed chaste yet lingering throughout the shower. Junhoe was not used to this. He was not used to prolonging the time spent with someone he slept with. He was not used to helping them clean up, having a chat with them, and learning about their life and so on. It was like they were going to see each other again sometime in the future when Junhoe knew they could never.

They should never.

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“Hyung, stop. What are you doing?”

“Uh, taking the bed sheets off,” Hanbin replied as his fingers were already clutched onto one corner of the sheets. Hanbin was already clothed, but because his own clothes were tainted with sweat and smoke, he had Junhoe’s clothes on. Junhoe’s white shirt fit loosely on his shoulders and the sweatpants were slightly baggy, but at least they didn’t sag too much.

Junhoe _tried_ to not think it was adorable. He _tried_ to get rid of the fond feeling from his chest. He _tried_ to not want to see it more.

“Psh.” Junhoe shooed Hanbin away and Hanbin crossed his arms over his chest. “Go to class, hyung. It’s my bed. I’ll deal with it.” Hanbin stood by the bed quiet—probably thinking—for a while as Junhoe pulled the sheets off.

“Fine,” Hanbin muttered. Junhoe felt a hand on his bicep before he was pulled back and turned around to face Hanbin.

“I’ll go now. See you,” Hanbin said quickly and pecked Junhoe’s lips. Junhoe froze as Hanbin collected his things and walked to the door. Hanbin sent one last smile to Junhoe before he walked out, the door quietly clicking close behind him. Junhoe wasn’t sure if he smiled back, but when the door closed he exhaled a breath he didn’t realize he held in.

“See you? A goodbye kiss?” Junhoe muttered breathlessly. He took a while to breathe, and somehow that allowed the frustration to build inside him.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” Junhoe yelled at the closed door before he picked a pillow up and hurled it across the room. His backside was still sore and now his legs felt week. Dropping to his knees, he slammed his forehead onto the naked mattress.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Hanbin…?”

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“I’m back!” The apartment door opened and Donghyuk stepped in, tired yet happy after spending a good week with family. He kicked his shoes off and lugged his bags over to the room to sort them out; keeping what needed to be kept and washing what needed to be washed. At first he passed Junhoe sprawled on the bed without much thought, but then he halted and took a few steps back.

Looking over at the bed, Junhoe wasn’t asleep. He was just staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression on his face. He didn’t even move when Donghyuk hovered over him. Donghyuk eyed the freshly laid bed sheets and then the washing machine that created muffled sounds to show that it was in use. It didn’t take long for Donghyuk to conclude what might have happened.

“Had your stick up someone’s butt?”

Junhoe was still staring at the ceiling as he answered. “Yeah. One up mine too.”

“I- oh? That’s new,” Donghyuk said and squinted at his friend. Junhoe finally moved, but only his eyes moved to glare at Donghyuk.

“You’re saying that as if you’ve been keeping tabs on my sex life,” Junhoe said, brows furrowing.

“It doesn’t help that _someone_ tends to keep me updated,” Donghyuk said and rolled his eyes before he continued to unpack his things. “Anyway, didn’t you once say it’s either top or nothing? What happened to that?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that someone swept me off my feet, because that’s just ridiculous, but I think that’s what happened. I took over in the second round though.”

Donghyuk turned and squinted at Junhoe again. “… Who?”

Junhoe panicked. Should he tell Donghyuk that he went against Donghyuk’s words and made love with someone else’s man? The thought itself didn’t sound good at all, but could he really dodge Donghyuk’s question? He tried it before, it didn’t work, and now he was just staring at Donghyuk’s questioning face.

_I guess honesty is the key, or whatever._

“I don’t want to tell you.”

_Honesty._

Donghyuk’s eyebrows rose in shock. “Okay?” He looked at Junhoe incredulously as the taller man slowly sat up, flinching slightly while he was at it. Junhoe stopped Donghyuk before he could react.

“I’ll tell you later, okay? When it’s necessary to, I mean. You really don’t have to know,” Junhoe said with firmness he didn’t know he had, and while Donghyuk was taken aback by that, he didn’t question further. Maybe his friend had actually matured up for once.

Plus, he trusted that Junhoe would eventually tell him if it was important.

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Junhoe leaned against the comfortable backrest of a booth in the far corner of a café. He had a hot mug of coffee in his two hands and he drank the beverage with gentle sips, savoring the warmth and flavor on his tongue for as long as he could before he took another sip. He let the steam cloud his face. It was relaxing, somehow.

“Here’s your muffin, Junhoe-yah. Are you getting anywhere with that assignment of yours?”

Junhoe breathed the bittersweet aroma of his coffee before his eyes flickered up to Yunhyeong, one of the few people he would let disturb him in his peaceful place. He obviously could not shoo away someone who worked in the place, but even if he could, he would not want to.

Why? Because Yunhyeong was one of those friends who made sure Junhoe was all good and healthy, sometimes annoyingly like a busybody mom, but the older managed to earn himself a soft spot in Junhoe.

“Nope, brain’s too clouded. The steam from this coffee isn’t helping,” Junhoe mumbled before going right back to his coffee. Yunhyeong rolled his eyes.

“Right, blame it on my coffee,” Yunhyeong said with a wry smile. “Still though, I’ve never seen you have so many problems with writing before. Weren’t you the pro-est of them all?”

Junhoe grumbled. “Writer’s block, hyung.”

Yunhyeong’s eyebrows furrow at that, but he didn’t press further.

“I hope you get to break through it soon, then. Go do something exciting and fun. Something is bound to inspire you to write. Just keep trying, because like how the saying goes, where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Junhoe raised a brow as he glanced at Yunhyeong, seeing a young man yet getting the feeling of an old soul emitting its wisdom all over the place.

“Uh, yeah,” Junhoe replied, unsure how many times Yunhyeong had convinced him that he was actually a lot older than he claimed to be. Yunhyeong eventually had to leave to tend to another customer, so Junhoe was once again left in the peace of the little corner booth he had claimed for himself.

After about half an hour, Junhoe’s mug was already set aside after its contents were emptied—sometimes he would accidentally pick it up back, only to find that he had indeed finished his coffee and he groaned. He was slouched over the notebook in front of him; pages of lines have been crossed over because he just hated how every sentence sounded in his head.

Junhoe had been through writer’s blocks before, aplenty of times at that, but they had never been as severe as his current one. Usually, he wouldn’t have any inspiration or muse, but he does have one this time.

The problem was that he didn’t want to think about his muse. He didn’t want to write long lines that would weigh onto his chest and knot his stomach. He didn’t want to remember how pleasant it felt in being in someone’s arms, or having someone in his arms; looking up to the brightest, dopiest of smiles; running his hand through soft hair or even having warm lips on his, giving and receiving kisses like no other.

Junhoe didn’t get it. He didn’t get why he had fallen so deep—too deep.

He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged at the ends, hoping some blood flow would help him. Unfortunately, it didn’t, and Junhoe gave up and dropped his face onto the scribble-filled page.

He sniffled, taking a short whiff of the blueberry muffin—initially served warm—that sat idly by the corner of his notebook. Yunhyeong’s muffins had always been Junhoe’s immediate go-to whenever he would visit, but the recent depression that rolled over him shoved his appetite away.

The muffin stared at Junhoe, and Junhoe blinked at it.

_What do you want?_

Junhoe found himself caught in a sudden staring contest. His eyes met another set of blue, challenging orbs that wordlessly provoked him. They dared him to make the first move. They taunted.

_Well then… Fuck you, depression._

Just then, the café’s doorbell rang.

Junhoe, as usual, didn’t even bother to look at whoever it was that entered the café. They were minding their own business, after all, and Junhoe was minding his. Because of his strategically placed booth of choice that secluded him from most of the other customers, no one would be able to witness him butcher the muffin in its liner.

“I didn’t expect to see you here. Are you a regular?”

_Spoke too soon..._

Junhoe’s cheeks were stuffed to their fullest with the blueberry baked product when he looked up, eyes wide and eyebrows raised high. He didn’t think anyone who knew him would find him there, since the cafe was a ten-minute drive from the campus, and it was located somewhere quiet and peaceful.

Junhoe sat there blinking for a bit as his eyes took in the familiar, yet beautiful curves of the person’s features. Then, the person gives him a toothy grin, eyes pushed up into delicate crescents. That person looked like he was about to laugh.

“Hilariously adorable,” Hanbin said before he finally let himself break out in soft chuckles.

Junhoe gasped, but the small crumbs of the muffin in his mouth got stuck in his throat and he choked, resulting in a small coughing fit. To put simply; Junhoe was a mess and Hanbin saw everything.

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“Are you finally not dying?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

After the minor disaster where Junhoe ended up spitting out his muffin, he ordered a new muffin and another one for Hanbin, as well as a glass of water for himself and chamomile tea for the older. Yunhyeong came over to make sure Junhoe was alright before the duo was left alone again.

“So you come here when you can’t think and need inspiration?” Hanbin asked before he took a bite out of his warm muffin. Junhoe nodded as his mouth chewed. “It makes sense. This is a very comfortable place after all.”

There was a short silence, mostly because Hanbin’s mouth was full and Junhoe didn’t know what to say. Junhoe’s legs shifted under the table and they accidentally hit Hanbin’s. Even so, he didn’t get to pull his leg away, because Hanbin had hooked his own ankles around Junhoe’s and kept them in place.

A whimsical smirk made its way to Hanbin’s lips.

“Do you have a muse?”

Junhoe tried to not choke at that, so he slowly swallowed the bolus as he searched every corner of the café for a possible source of inspiration. He _could_ go along with Hanbin’s flow of mood and say something cliché like “of course it’s you, Hanbin-hyung”, but the problem was that Hanbin didn’t help him with his writing at all. It was in fact the entire opposite.

Junhoe still had to answer him, though.

“You saw the manager who came by for a bit just now, right?”

Hanbin’s eyebrow raised but he nodded.

“Yeah, he’s my muse. Bright, beautiful and- bleghhh,” Junhoe tried to explain but then he visibly shivered. Never had he ever imagined himself describing _anyone_ that way, what more was that mother-hen of a friend of his.

Hanbin, though, he could describe Hanbin that way… and maybe a whole lot more than that.

“Are you two dating?”

Junhoe snapped out from his sudden disgust to look at Hanbin who had a lop-sided smile on. He was curious, Junhoe guessed, but he didn’t look too amused.

“No!” Junhoe shot back immediately, nose scrunching by the mere thought of dating Yunhyeong. “I would rather _die_ than date someone who acts like my second mom.” Junhoe shivered again, but a little more intensely this time.

Hanbin snorted first before he laughed, and Junhoe noticed how the ankles around his own shifted and squeezed him slightly. If Junhoe didn’t know better, then he would think that it was an act of possessiveness, but then again, Junhoe probably didn’t know better anyway.

“That’s good,” Hanbin mumbled under his breath. Junhoe didn’t hear it that well, so he tilted his head questioningly, only for it to be waved off. Hanbin lifted his mug of tea and sipped it slowly; cheeks appearing a little rosy and it may have not been just because of the steam.

“I can help you write,” Hanbin offered after his mug was back on the table. “I often write for the songs I compose, so I think I can be helpful.”

Junhoe’s pursed his lips.

_Well… why the fuck not?_

The whole time spent with Hanbin felt like a blessing. Originally, Hanbin was the cause of his writer’s block. Now, Hanbin became an idea bucket that helped Junhoe construct one of the best works he had ever done. All he had to do was provide a theme, base and state the requirements, and Hanbin’s ideas came streaming down. Somehow their thoughts managed to remain in sync.

Somehow…

Somewhere along the way, Hanbin moved to Junhoe’s side of the table to “get a closer look at the papers”. He got a little too close for comfort, but Junhoe didn’t make any move to distance himself from the older.

“Nice writing,” the older man commented when Junhoe was bent over to write the next lines of his sonnet poem. Hanbin moved, resting his chin on Junhoe’s shoulder as he peered down onto the notebook. Junhoe felt his heart thumping.

“Thanks,” Junhoe muttered first. “But I think Donghyuk has the best writing.”

Hanbin was silent, so Junhoe took it as Hanbin accepting what he said with no words. But then Hanbin spoke, and his lips were a lot closer to Junhoe’s ear than he thought they were, and he could feel a soft brush on his earlobe.

“Who’s Donghyuk?”

The question was simple, but Junhoe’s heart rate picked up.

“My best friend, I guess,” Junhoe mumbled, cheeks shaded pink.

“Really?”

“Yeah… Why?” Junhoe asked, turning a little so that he could meet Hanbin’s eyes.

He met Hanbin’s lips instead, with his own lips. Hanbin craned his neck, kissing slowly, lips warm as well as his breath. Junhoe took a moment before he figured that Hanbin might be straining his neck, so he adjusted his position and kissed Hanbin back, cradling the other’s head with his hand.

When the kiss broke, they were both a little flushed. Junhoe’s eyes were questioning as he tried to find Hanbin’s, but Hanbin never looked up.

“Nothing,” Hanbin whispered. He motioned to the notebook to continue writing, but Junhoe saw something like a wistful look flash in his eyes. Junhoe wanted to ask, he wanted to know why, but he chose against it, leaving a small tension in the air.

The tension broke when Hanbin tucked his chin into Junhoe’s shoulder again. Junhoe took his hand and squeezed it. Just like that, they were back on the poem.

Junhoe felt eyes on him, so he looked up. Yunhyeong was looking at him with eyebrows shot up to his hairline, and he flailed his finger between the two with a curious look. Junhoe swallowed dryly.

What was he supposed to say? How could he explain all this?

Suffering an internal panic, Junhoe raised his hands, made a ring with the fingers of one hand and held up a pointer finger with the other, then slotted them together. Yunhyeong scowled at that. He shook his head and continued his work on wiping the counter.

Junhoe snorted.

Hanbin was about to look at Junhoe’s hands but Junhoe quickly pulled them back down. Missing whatever that happened, the older man cleared his throat and abruptly stood up.

“Hey, I have to go. Looks like it’s almost done, so I think you’re good enough on your own now. See ya,” Hanbin said, but the words were rushed and his breath was shallow.

Junhoe stood up after him as a reflex, but then they just stood there weirdly.

Junhoe scratched the back of his head. He hated awkward situations. Without thinking too much, he reached out and cupped Hanbin’s cheek, leaning in to press a chaste kiss on his lips. It was short and shallow, small and sweet.

Junhoe didn’t know what he was doing, but the little glimmer in Hanbin’s eyes when he finally bid farewell was beyond rewarding.

However, it didn’t settle the ache in his chest. It didn’t help Yunhyeong’s confusion either.

“You love him,” Yunhyeong had said, and Junhoe wasn’t sure if it was a statement or a question.

“Yeah.”

The fact that Yunhyeong knew this before Donghyuk weighed on him like bricks.

One day, he would tell Donghyuk. Or maybe one day, he would stop loving Hanbin.

Junhoe dreaded both.


	3. We Loved Without Boundaries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ey, an update! A special thanks to the 3 people who helped keep my spirits up and read through my writing :')  
> I know you all must be really curious about Double B, but I assure you, their relationship will be revealed soon.  
> Not in this chapter, though. For now, I hope you enjoy what I have here!
> 
> Do comment what you think about it down below ;w;  
> It helps me improve my writing and keeps me motivated to continue making fics for AO3~

_I love him?_

Junhoe may have confessed that he had fallen for someone to his friend Yunhyeong, but he was not even sure of it himself.

_”You love him.”_

_”Yeah.”_

The answer was given on a whim. Junhoe didn’t think long for it, or perhaps he did not even think at all. His mind was mostly blank, the only thing in it being the way Hanbin looked right before he left the café; pleased over the little kiss Junhoe gave him.

Junhoe could have just imagined it though, couldn’t he have?

That night, Junhoe had yet another restless sleep.

The day after shone on him brightly, mostly because Donghyuk had drawn the curtains open to let the morning light in. Junhoe hated how the light rays prodded at his eyelids, forcing them to open up, but he willed them open nonetheless because Donghyuk reminded him that he had class.

“Right, right. I’m up. Don’t babble at me so early in the morning,” Junhoe grumbled, sitting up with an eye still glued shut from sleep. He carded his fingers through his unkempt hair and scrubbed at his face.

“Listening to me babble in the morning should be a lot better than listening to you sleep-singing in the middle of the night,” Donghyuk said as he checked his appearance in a mirror, blonde hair fixed to fall freely over his forehead.

“Hm, fair enough.” Junhoe sluggishly slipped out of his covers and padded to his personal set of drawers—just a level above Donghyuk’s—to grab some clean clothes.

“Did you manage to finish your poem at Yun’s?” Donghyuk’s voice was heard from the other side of the room where the man fiddled with his keys and wallet. Junhoe made a small noise that he hoped signaled a “yes”, and Donghyuk seemed to accept it because he responded with a delighted hum.

“That’s great! I was worried that you were getting out of swing or something… You haven’t been writing as much as you always do.”

Junhoe gently bit his lip. “I’ve been… occupied, I guess.”

“You mean troubled?” Junhoe wasn’t looking at Donghyuk, but he could hear the little quirk of Donghyuk’s eyebrow through his knowing tone.

“Dong, can we not do this right now? I’ve literally _just_ woken up,” Junhoe whined, a foot already landed on the bathroom tiles.

Junhoe knew that Donghyuk was aware of his problematic state. Junhoe also knew that Donghyuk was—to some degree—concerned for him.

The only thing that Junhoe did not know, or rather he did not want to know, was that Donghyuk was starting to get worried _sick_ over him and that he was getting a little stressed himself because Junhoe spoke nothing of his problems when Donghyuk was usually the first person to hear of them.

“Yeah, alright, sorry. Just…-“ Donghyuk trailed off uncertainly.

“Don’t hesitate to reach out if I need someone. Got it. I’ve yet to forget, really,” Junhoe finished for him, sending a reassuring smile to the other.

Donghyuk’s creased features softened and he nodded. He made a little wave before exiting the dorm room, leaving Junhoe staring at the closed door.

_And maybe I’ve been dying to reach out to you, but I’m too scared to see your disappointed look on me…_

The bathroom door closed with a click and the shower finally ran after a delaying silence.

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_If I head back, Dongii will be there._

Junhoe’s mind worried as he turned down a narrow corridor, detaching himself from the flock of students that kept him company right after class ended.

He wouldn’t say that he was avoiding his childhood friend, but he was rather avoiding a certain topic altogether. Contrasting from the night before, Junhoe somehow managed to spend a few hours of the day with his mind off of Hanbin. It was truly an achievement for him.

There were soft shuffling sounds filling the silence as Junhoe lazily strolled down a cemented pathway. He was never a graceful walker and he never cared to be one, so he shuffled off unbothered. Upon passing by one of many closed doors, Junhoe stilled when he heard a soft, lulling voice coming from behind the door.

“Hanbin?” He whispered to himself questioningly, hearing a familiar voice but instead of talking, the voice was melodious as it followed a gentle tune. Hanbin was singing.

The word “Studio” was printed in bold lettering on the sign that hung above the door. It was only when Junhoe read it that he remembered Hanbin telling him that he composed songs. He had a major in music. Holding his breath, Junhoe leaned in and pressed his ear against the sanded wooden panel.

_”Don’t forget us, don’t forget me, everything about me…”_

Junhoe snorted a little louder than he intended to.

_Don’t forget you? Check._

Junhoe’s lips pulled into a lopsided smile as he leaned against the door again to hear more of the song—which through what little he could hear, he thought it sounded amazing, especially with Hanbin’s voice which came out rather soothing to his ears. Suddenly, the song was cut off and the next thing he knew was that he was stumbling through an opened doorway.

“Shit!” Junhoe gasped when his palms met the floor, saving his head and face from the disaster that could have distorted either or both of them. He blinked at the shiny laminate surface, taking a moment to recover from the shock, before a pair of hands grab onto him and pulled him up to his feet.

“Junhoe? Are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were resting against the door,” Hanbin worried as he lookeded up at Junhoe’s reddening face, hands subconsciously enveloping the younger’s larger ones.

Junhoe blinked again before he began staring, taking in the image of Hanbin with a pair of round-framed glasses perched on his nose and a cute printed bandage stuck onto his cheek. He looked absolutely adorable, different from his usual dangerous appeal, but appealing nonetheless.

Hanbin tilted his head when Junhoe stood silent for a moment too long. Realizing his unresponsiveness, Junhoe tugged his hands away from Hanbin and reached up to scratch at his nape.

“Uh, yeah I’m okay. Don’t worry about it. I was the one stupid enough to lean against the door,” Junhoe mumbled, cheeks burning with embarrassment. Hanbin chuckled at him.

“What _exactly_ were you doing there?” He asked, the quirk of his brow adding a touch of playfulness to his cute appearance.

“I…-“ Junhoe dragged off, eyes glancing around in a sudden panic. “I just- I just heard you? I was just- you know, walking by and then suddenly I heard some music behind that door,” he explained, thumb motioning to the door behind him.

“Walking by? But what were you doing in the music faculty building? I thought you were a literature major,” Hanbin pointed out.

Junhoe’s mouth opened for him to reply, but then it pursed close when Junhoe had nothing to reply with.

“… Huh, _what exactly_ am I doing here?” Junhoe asked himself, eyebrows drawn together in thought. Hanbin shook his head and grinned.

“Did you miss me?” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows and Junhoe’s heart leapt at how even a teasing Hanbin could look so soft and huggable. To save himself, Junhoe clicked his tongue and looked away.

“I was thinking of absolutely nothing when I came here. Hell, I didn’t even know I was in the music wing,” Junhoe shrugged and looked back at Hanbin when the older made a small— _disappointed?_ —sound. Hanbin was the one looking away this time.

“Ah… Now that you’re here, why don’t you hang around for a bit?” Hanbin mumbled and adjusted his glasses before making his way to his PC. He plopped down onto his chair and gestured to another unused chair beside him for Junhoe to sit.

Junhoe supposed it was fine to stay for a while. He wouldn’t know how to say “no” to Hanbin anyway. He made his way to sit down and look across the computer screen, seeing files of audio open—in the process of editing, maybe.

“You heard a little of the song right? I mean- I don’t usually let other people listen to my songs before I’m completely satisfied with them, but since you’ve heard it, what do you think?” Hanbin asked, staring at Junhoe with interest.

Junhoe hummed in thought. What could he say about the song? All he knew was that it had a nice melody, but he was too focused on Hanbin’s voice to properly comment on the song. He wanted to at least give Hanbin his honest opinion. If not for Hanbin, he thought he should save his own ass from getting claimed as a person with poor taste in music.

“Can I listen to it again? The whole thing,” Junhoe said and then quickly added, “If you don’t mind.”

“Yeah sure.”

Hanbin passed earphones to Junhoe then used the Ctrl+Tab shortcut keys to get to a specific window labeled Don’tForget.wav and clicked on the play button. Throughout the whole song, Hanbin fidgeted in his seat as Junhoe listened attentively; silent and expression unreadable. He was nothing but serious as he listened to it and that may have made the composer more nervous.

Junhoe was still silent when the song ended. To say that he was touched by the lyrics was an understatement. Moreover, if someone were to say that Junhoe thought Hanbin’s voice was _nice,_ Junhoe would sock them in the eye. Hanbin’s voice was _heavenly,_ fit for the visually-angelic being he already was.

Hanbin’s voice aside, the song itself got Junhoe right in the chest. Junhoe could easily identify Hanbin’s prowess as a composer and lyricist because not only was the song catchy with its gentle whistle breaks, but the song was also very meaningful.

Junhoe loved it.

“So, how was the W.I.P?”

“W.I.P?”

“Work in progress.”

“Oh,” Junhoe uttered a little perplexedly because the song already sounded complete to him. “Yeah, okay.”

“… Okay?” Hanbin questioned when Junhoe seemed to not want to say anything else.

“Yeah. I mean, it was okay.”

“… Just okay?”

Junhoe’s mind scrambled for words when Hanbin visibly deflated. For a literature student, he wondered why his vocabulary for speaking was not the same for his writing.

“It was cute,” Junhoe added, which he did not think helped at all. Of all the beautiful things he could say about the equally beautiful and deserving masterpiece, he decided to say it was _cute?_

“Cute?” Hanbin’s eyebrow arched curiously, but his lips were already pulling to a little smirk.

“Yeah, you’re cute.”

“What?”

“What?” Junhoe questioned instantly after Hanbin. Junhoe felt like slapping himself across the face. His cheeks were back to blushing bright red. He wondered whether the cause of his idiocy was probably due to the lack of oxygen in his brain, since most of his blood chose to occupy his cheeks instead.

That was probably why. Probably. He hoped so.

Before Junhoe could save himself, Hanbin was already bursting out in fits of giggles, eyes forming crescents behind glasses that he desperately tried to keep on his face while his body shook with laughter. Junhoe tried to say something to at least smoothen out his little blunder, but the way Hanbin leaned into him and clung onto his arm amidst laughing made him sigh fondly instead.

“That was nice to hear,” Hanbin commented, voice a little muffled by how he had his lips pressed into Junhoe’s shoulder. Junhoe shivered lightly at the sensation of hot breath against his shoulder. The older male must have noticed, so he hooked his chin onto Junhoe’s shoulder instead.

“Sorry. I’m a bit of a touchy-clingy person, if you haven’t noticed. If you’re uncomfortable with this, just say so,” Hanbin said, but he made no move to detach from the other unless Junhoe said he disliked it. He reached for his mouse and moved the cursor about the screen, closing windows and opening some files.

“It’s okay. I’m not much of a touchy person, but I’m used to it. People cling onto me all the time…” _Unfortunately,_ Junhoe did not add.

“You usually let other people cling onto you?” Hanbin asked, his hold on Junhoe tightening and Junhoe was not sure if Hanbin was aware of his own actions. Junhoe hummed an affirmative and the older went silent for a while as his eyes searched through a list of audio files.

“Do you let others kiss you too?”

Junhoe scowled lightly at the thought of people randomly giving him kisses, the people who probably stuck with him only because of his popularity or looks; the people whom he did not care for.

“Egh, _no_ ,” Junhoe immediately shot back, but then he felt a gentle nudge of a nose and lips right under his jaw and he stiffened.

“Will you let _me_ kiss you then?” Hanbin asked softly, sweetly, right under Junhoe’s ear and Junhoe’s heart pounded unhealthily in his chest. Junhoe swallowed dry and he was suddenly acutely aware of the sound of Hanbin’s breathing.

He answered without thinking, again.

“Sure.”

Junhoe could feel how the older’s lips stretched into a smile-- _a grin? What? Does he feel like he accomplished something?_ In the next moment, soft lips pressed their way up Junhoe’s jaw and onto the apple of his left cheek, then they trailed up the younger’s cheekbone until Junhoe could not resist the urge to turn his face.

Junhoe let his eyelids fall close when the kisses land down his forehead and nose. He did not know why but he waited for those lips to reach his own. All of the sudden, he wanted to taste Hanbin again.

Only a hair’s breadth away from what he desired, Hanbin whispered to him.

“You love my kisses, don’t you?”

Any possible answer was engulfed by a pair of moist, soft and plump lips.

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The colorful lights were blinding. The loud music was starting to make him deaf. The people shifting continuously in rave around him made him feel uncomfortably warm.

“Juné, leaving already? Aww, you’re no fun anymore. You don’t even go out often like you used to,” a guy mused, pouting slightly when he saw Junhoe a little distracted from the dancing. Junhoe casted an apologetic glance at him and shrugged.

“Ah, I’ve just been occupied recently,” Junhoe said as he searched for a gap between the clubbers to slip through.

“I think Juné’s got a lover now. That’s why he’s so occupied,” a female literature student cooed teasingly and winked. Junhoe tried to act unfazed.

“Looks like it! Who knew the Juné treasured exclusivity?” Another female voice piped in. Over the upbeat music Junhoe snorted—he wanted to scoff, really—and yelled a quick “bye” at the others before exiting the crowd, making a bee-line to avoid bumping into people the best he could.

Finally breaking through the sweaty crowd, Junhoe sighed in relief and made his way to the table where his closer group of friends were; most of them being art, literature or music majors.

“What a surprise! Koo Junhoe has returned to the table so early in the night,” a tall man mused when he caught sight of Junhoe heading to the table.

“Meh, I just don’t feel like it tonight, Hoony-hyung,” Junhoe explained as he was passed a glass of beer. He took it with an appreciative nod and sipped some of the beverage.

A hand clapped his shoulder and he almost spat out his drink.

“You haven’t been feeling it since weeks ago, kid. You alright?” The oldest of the group, Seungri, questioned. He wasn’t a college student, but he certainly acted like one. Most people had an idea that he lived like one as well.

Before Junhoe could respond, his old bus-mate chimed in.

“It’s love, I tell you. Soon enough we won’t even see Juné-yah come in here anymore. He’s just gonna abandon us to dote on his special someone like a love-sick puppy with heart-shaped eyes.”

“That’s disgustingly cringey, Yoon.” Junhoe scowled, sending a glare to Seungyoon who chuckled heartily in return. Seungyoon’s boyfriend Minho smirked beside him, leaning forward to talk.

“But also accurate. Have you even seen yourself lately, Juné? You’re always staring into the distance and smiling to yourself. If anything’s disgustingly cringey, it’s you,” he said before tipping his glass up to down some golden whiskey. Junhoe stared down at his drink for a moment.

“Have I really been doing that?” Junhoe asked quietly. When he looked up again, he saw the whole group nod together, all with teasing smirks and grins.

_Great._

“Hey, if love’s what you’re gonna abandon us for then I’m not gonna stop ya. At least you’re not gonna bring your gooey sappiness to the table like how those two do,” Seungri said and sneaked a glance at the couple in the group. Minho grinned and Seungyoon laughed, neither feeling the slightest of guilt.

Junhoe felt his cheeks get warm.

“So… Hanbin, right?” Seunghoon questioned, returning Junhoe’s shocked expression with an amused one. “Unless his name’s actually Hanbinnie… or Binbin… or Binnie… or Han-bean… or Han-bunny… I don’t know. It’s not that easy to decipher what a drunken Juné blabbers.”

“Oh… Oh my god,” Junhoe groaned and stuffed his red face into his hands, wanting to just sink into his seat and dive into an abyss. A heavy guilt weighed on him again; a familiar guilt.

_Even they know about Hanbin…_

“Chill, man. We won’t talk about him if you don’t… or if you don’t want to,” Seungyoon said and rubbed Junhoe’s back, probably noticing the younger’s discomfort.

“That’s-… That’s not it…” Junhoe mumbled, lifting his face to look at the others pleadingly.

“Can no one say a word to Donghyuk?”

Junhoe had already expected the shocked faces that would follow.

“He doesn’t know yet?”

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“I can’t believe you lied to me,” Hanbin huffed, though the mood was light as he worked on locking his studio up, a small set of keys jingling in his hand.

Junhoe had become a frequent visitor to Hanbin’s studio, either out of Hanbin’s invitations or “Junhoe’s legs moving on their own”. Junhoe would find himself visiting everyday even when he had days full of classes. He had to. Hanbin’s kisses had become a drug that he could not live without.

He was addicted.

“I did _not_ lie to you! How was I supposed to know I could sing?” Junhoe said and raised both of his hands as if that could prove his innocence. After so much time spent with each other, they learned many things; habits and quirks, and their bond grew tighter. As usual, Junhoe would call it unnecessary, just like how their fingers intertwined.

“No one can suddenly sing out of nowhere! You must have been singing a lot in the past to have a stable voice. You sound like you _always_ practice,” Hanbin said as he started towards the stairs and Junhoe followed, walking right beside him.

“Yes, _okay_ I do sing a lot like… whenever I want to, but I wouldn’t know if I sound good. Plus, Donghyuk always grimaces whenever I sing and he complains about me being loud all the time. How could I have ever believed in this so-called hidden talent of mine?”

At the mention of Donghyuk, Junhoe could tell that Hanbin’s mood shifted.

“Well, that Donghyuk of yours is surely deaf,” Hanbin commented, and somehow Junhoe felt offended in his best friend’s behalf. A sense of protectiveness suddenly kicked in.

“What? No! My Donghyuk is _not_ deaf. He is the _best_ Donghyuk in all of Korea! It’s just that his opinions are always valid.”

_Oh god,_ if Donghyuk were to hear that, he wouldn’t let Junhoe live.

“You seem to care a lot about him,” Hanbin muttered bitterly, much to Junhoe’s surprise. Junhoe stuttered as he felt a little flustered, almost missing a step as the two descended the stairs.

“W-well he’s been my best friend for years now. It’s normal to- ah, hyung!” Junhoe’s feet finally reached a landing on the staircase when Hanbin immediately placed a hand on Junhoe’s chest and pushed him up into a corner.

“Just a best friend?” Hanbin prompted, attempting to pin Junhoe against the wall but Junhoe was much stronger and faster than him, so Junhoe flipped their positions instead.

“ _Yes,_ ” Junhoe hissed, hands settling on Hanbin’s hips to immobilize his hyung. “Just a best friend. Why do you act this way whenever I mention him, hm?” He had always tried to avoid this question but at that moment, he could not resist asking.

“You think I like hearing you talk about someone else?” Hanbin’s hands slipped around Junhoe’s waist and they slid down to Junhoe’s ass, guiding Junhoe’s hips to meet his. Instinctively, Junhoe rolled his hips and Hanbin moaned softly in response.

“So you’re possessive? … Strange,” Junhoe commented, lifting a leg of Hanbin’s up so he could grind with better access, stating who’s in control of the situation as well. “But do you really think you deserve my loyalty, hyung?” Junhoe could not help it. He felt his blood boil.

“I want to,” he heard Hanbin gasp, and all of the sudden his bravado burned down, replaced with confusion, frustration and longing—topped with even more confusion. He really, truly could not understand Kim Hanbin.

Junhoe could only love him.

“Then show me that you really do,” Junhoe murmured back and lifted Hanbin completely off the ground, letting the elder male’s limbs lock around him. Hanbin tilted his face and Junhoe immediately pressed fevered kisses onto his lips, Hanbin responding with similar passion. Their lips molded perfectly in one another’s and they moved in sync, bodies heated by each other’s warmth.

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps stomping up the stairs broke them from their heat, Junhoe quickly yet carefully letting go of Hanbin and scrambling away from him. Besides Junhoe’s friends at the club, no one knew of their secret. Junhoe had not planned to change that fact just yet.

From the level under them, a tall, younger looking man appeared panting with sweat rolling down his temples. He stopped when he saw Junhoe standing awkwardly there but then his eyes widened when he spotted Hanbin.

“Hanbin-hyung! You’re here. Ah, I’m glad I found you,” the guy said breathlessly, bending over for a second to even his breathing.

“What’s wrong, Chanu?” Hanbin asked and Junhoe caught sight of his small movement of adjusting his pants. He must have popped a boner. Junhoe fought back the urge to grin proudly. Maybe whoever that _Chanu_ was should find out about their little secret and spread the news; the news that states how an idiot fell in love with an angel—with someone else’s angel.

But would that hurt Hanbin more than it would hurt him?

“It’s Bobby.”

At the mention of Bobby, Hanbin turned rigid. Junhoe’s curious look dissolved into a neutral one, only the slight downwards pull of his lips giving a hint to his displeasure.

”He’s looking for you and he’s been yapping about you disappearing all the time. Please _save me_ ,” the guy, Chanwoo, pleaded, looking past the point of annoyed.

“Really? Huh, that guy…” Hanbin mumbled, an evident shake to his voice. He faced Junhoe with a smile, but Junhoe knew how it was forced. When no pearly whites were shown, when eyes didn’t shape themselves into crescents, Junhoe knew that was not Hanbin’s smile.

“Well then, see you some other time. Bye-bye,” Hanbin said quickly before he hopped to the step that Chanwoo was on. The younger male nodded out of common courtesy to Junhoe before he lead the way off.

Junhoe only watched as they walked away, feeling that he was left hanging, his chest that once felt so full suddenly so empty in a matter of seconds. If he properly thought about Hanbin’s behavior, he could have went ahead of himself and assume the uncertain, but Junhoe didn’t get how Hanbin worked at all.

He didn’t get how one deserved to feel jealousy when they themselves were the cause of a burning envy. He didn’t understand the motive behind Hanbin’s actions when Hanbin seemed to already be happy with his current lover.

Maybe Hanbin was just greedy.

As Junhoe ascended back up the stairs to take a different route back home, the sound of shoes scuffling up the steps again stopped him in his tracks. He only turned when his name was called out.

“Junhoe, wait!” Hanbin’s voice echoed from below, and Junhoe could feel something discard his reluctance to turn to it. Hanbin appeared at the top of the steps flushed and out of breath, but then he lurched forward and hooked his arms around Junhoe’s neck, pulling the taller male in for a deep kiss.

Junhoe couldn’t find it in himself to push Hanbin away. He couldn’t even feel shocked over the intimate gesture anymore. This was normal. This was their routine.

Hanbin’s goodbye kiss.

Unlike the usual, however, Junhoe did not silently watch Hanbin leave this time. He pulled the older closer to him, bodies flush against one another, lips touching but not kissing.

“Show me, Hanbin,” Junhoe whispered against red lips before kissing them one last time.

It was Junhoe who left this time with Hanbin staring after him in silence, hesitant and fearful, a change to what they were used to.

Junhoe wondered why it felt wrong to leave Hanbin in that situation. He wondered why there was guilt when he changed their algorithm. Maybe he shouldn’t have put Hanbin in such a tight spot, but for how long was he supposed to suffer this alone?

Hanbin was merciless, and so did he become.


	4. I Made A Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chap doesn't have much of Bin... :'(  
> Oh but hey look another chapter wow this is probably the fastest I've ever updated this fic hahaha.  
> Please excuse the detailed basketball stuff... I miss basketball I've been such a couch potato.
> 
> Btw, I'll be putting up small updates and teasers for the new chapters on my Twitter @dawnskull !!!  
> Feel free to ask questions, suggest prompts for one-shots or even just chat and be an iKonic with me too xD

Junhoe was an over-thinker, he believed. How could he not? There could be so many reasons why he had not seen Hanbin throughout the whole week after he left him by the music building’s stairwell. Hanbin was never found at his studio anymore, the room always dark and empty when Junhoe would stop by.

Hanbin could have decided that proving his desire for Junhoe’s loyalty was not worth the trouble. It was either that or Hanbin could have realized how stupid he was for saying the things he did when he didn’t have the slightest care for Junhoe, thus he abandoned the challenge and Junhoe altogether.

Worst case scenario, he might have told his boyfriend about Junhoe and in return he was told to never see Junhoe ever again.

Boy, was Junhoe having a fun time living in the moment, deprived of attention and kisses.

The stress eventually built up, earning himself concerned questions from Donghyuk—as always—because he would often seem tense and restless, but he would shrug it off as something he could deal with, promising his childhood friend that he would never keep his deepest worries a secret from him.

He broke his promise, he knew. Junhoe was never one to break a promise, especially to Donghyuk no matter how much of a burden the promise could be. Even so, Donghyuk was on the receiving end of white lies and masked truths.

Junhoe felt the guilt; the guilt of betrayal, but he could never tell Donghyuk how he slipped into a ditch made by his own miserable self.

Never.

“Hey Dong, I’m gonna head out to the b-ball court,” Junhoe called over his shoulder as he stepped out the front door of the apartment. A basketball was held snugly against his side while his free hand adjusted the sweatband wrapped around his head.

“The court? June, it’s going to be dusk in-” Donghyuk paused to glance at the clock. “-less than an hour!”

Junhoe grunted, about to close the door already. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, Dong. I’ve done my studying so I’m going.”

“J-just don’t stay out so long!” Junhoe heard the muffled shout through the door which he just closed behind him. He stood right there, eyes momentarily shut.

_I don’t deserve you, Dongi…_

With heavy steps and a heavier heart, he started his short journey to the basketball court.

The court was not too far from where Junhoe stayed; about a five-minute walk distance away. The sun had started to set, painting the sky a blazing gold, casting a long shadow behind Junhoe.

No one was there besides Junhoe and his shadow.

That was the main reason why Junhoe chose to go there at such a peculiar time, because he knew no one would bother him. No one would question why the renowned womanizer of the campus was out on his own playing basketball while he brooded over a questionable relationship.

Junhoe performed quick warm-ups before picking up his black basketball; a gift from his sister who wanted him to pick up a sport some time ago. He spun the ball on his fingertips as he eyed the hoop that loomed above him, tipping the ball so it bounced on the ground for him to dribble. He maneuvered around imaginary obstacles, made a side-step to avoid an imaginary screen, and then smoothly tossed the ball into the hoop.

It was just a warm-up. Junhoe was about to grab the ball from where it bounced off, but then an energetic figure dashed across the court and snatched it first. Junhoe cocked a brow at the person, wondering _who the fuck_ , but then he noticed something:

Purple hair.

Junhoe muttered a cuss under his breath. It was him; the person who kept the heart of his desired one. Purple hair, small eyes and a somewhat, somehow charming crooked smile; the person was Kim Jiwon.

Bobby.

“Clean lay-up, man. I was kinda expecting something more from you, though. You look like you know your stuff,” Bobby said as he turned to Junhoe with a smirk, ball spun in his hands.

Junhoe’s close-to-incredulous expression smoothened out to a nonchalant expression, even though his resting frown would say otherwise. He pulled his sweatband off and combed his hair back with his fingers before speaking.

“You aren’t wrong,” Junhoe said, feigning a confident smirk on his lips. He tried to keep his eye from twitching when Bobby gave him an amused smile. He wondered what the man had that made him so special. He wondered what the man did to _have someone so special._

Bobby’s eyes twinkled when he lifted the ball up.

“One-on-one?”

Jaw clenched tight, Junhoe nodded. He might just find the answers to his questions through this small _friendly_ game.

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Junhoe backed up against the wired fencing before he slinked down to sit, panting against the cloth of his shirt as he wiped the beads of sweat off his face. He might have slightly regretted getting rid of his sweatband as the beads have rolled dangerously close to his eyes in the middle of the game and almost blinded him.

His eyes followed Bobby as the equally worn out man tumbled to lie on the ground, limbs sprawled out without a care in the world. Junhoe might have laughed at him if he wasn’t heaving for breath.

Bobby’s basketball skills were at par with Junhoe’s even though they owned different skill sets. Where Bobby was stronger, Junhoe was faster. Where Bobby moved more explosively, Junhoe was smooth and fluid. They both had their own strengths and weaknesses, but in the end, they were equal.

Junhoe resented that fact. He wanted to be better.

He kept his eyes closed as he tried to smooth out his breathing, deep breaths expanding his chest.

There must have been more to Bobby, Junhoe thought, else someone like Hanbin would have not ever considered to date him. Reckless, laid-back and snobbish; was that what someone as precious as Hanbin deserved?

But then again, would Hanbin ever deserve Junhoe? How could he? What exactly did Junhoe have that allowed him to hold Hanbin in his arms, what more was for Junhoe to be the keeper of Hanbin’s trust and devotion?

A sudden realization struck Junhoe.

He realized that he had nothing.

He realized that he never knew he had nothing up to that moment. Nonchalant, disrespectful and inconsiderate; no wonder Hanbin disappeared. The thumping of his heart was heard in his ears as the anxiety kicked in. Before he could dwell in it, Bobby spoke up.

“That-“ Bobby panted. “-was great. God, if only I knew that playing in the dark would be this crazy, I’d start doing it years ago!” Bobby said and pumped his fist in the air.

Junhoe snorted at that, because the sun had not even dropped too deep below the horizon yet for the day to really be called dark. Bobby turned himself over and lied on his belly to face Junhoe.

“Hey, you okay there, Sebastian?” Bobby asked, and Junhoe didn’t bother to open his eyes. His eyebrow lifted instead.

“Sebastian?”

Bobby gave Junhoe a grin that he couldn’t see. “Yeah, ‘coz you look like one.”

Junhoe finally blinked his eyes open and glowered at Bobby. “How?”

“You just do,” Bobby brushed it off with a shrug and sat up. “But you wouldn’t mind telling me your actual name, would you?”

Junhoe clicked his tongue and threw his gaze off to the side. He was not sure if acquainting himself with the other was a good idea. There was nothing really wrong with Bobby. Actually, if Junhoe met Bobby in a universe where he didn’t have Hanbin, then the thought of befriending Bobby wouldn’t be so bad.

Things were not like that though.

“Juné. Just call me that,” Junhoe uttered, watching Bobby rise up to his feet.

“Cool. Nice to meet ya, Juné,” Bobby said and held out a hand for Junhoe to shake, but Junhoe took a moment to stare at the hand. His own hand felt a little heavy to lift. “My name’s Kim-“

“Bobby!” A voice suddenly called from somewhere behind Junhoe. Bobby let his mouth fall close and he chuckled. “Yeah, that. I mean I’m Kim Jiwon, but you can call me Bobby.”

Any attempt to return Bobby’s friendly gesture was thrown out the window as Junhoe held his breath. The voice that sounded too familiar to his ears, the voice that he missed so much, started to get closer and Junhoe felt himself panic internally.

“Why on earth are you out here playing basketball at this time of day? Are you nuts? Of all things Bobby, seriously,” Hanbin berated from the distance, but then the campus street lights flickered on because their side of the world had gotten too dark, and he stuttered in his tracks.

“Junhoe?” He questioned, voice noticeably quieter and free of chastisement, and Junhoe found it funny how Hanbin could tell it was him even when Junhoe had his back turned. Junhoe would have let himself bask in that thought if it weren’t for the little voice in him that told him to run.

Junhoe glanced over his shoulder and sent a forced smile to Hanbin, one that Bobby missed the crookedness of but Hanbin could see clearly.

“Hey, what’s up?” Junhoe greeted evenly, an unnatural friendliness to his tone.

“I was looking for this guy,” Hanbin said with a strange smile, finally standing next to Bobby where Junhoe could see him clearly. Bobby grinned toothily at Hanbin and looped his arm around Hanbin’s waist, pulling Hanbin closer to him. Junhoe scoffed internally at that, looking away before he could see Bobby touch his angel’s lips.

“Ew, don’t kiss me when you’re sweaty.”

Junhoe did not hear those words because his mind was ringing with a reminder.

_He’s Bobby’s angel. He’s Bobby’s angel. He’s Bobby’s angel… not mine._

Junhoe felt sick to the stomach.

“It’s good that you found him. I’m gonna go. Bye,” Junhoe said, attempting so without sounding rushed as he rose to his feet and picked his ball up. He started to walk away leisurely, more so that no one could tell that he was about to break into a sprint once he was out of view. His lungs were running out of air.

“Hey, Juné!”

It was Bobby.

“Are you gonna be out here tomorrow too? Same time?”

Junhoe turned around, catching an unreadable look from Hanbin before his eyes ran to Bobby. He gave an apologetic smile.

“Nope. I got things to do. See you when I see you, Bobby.”

Maybe Junhoe ignoring Hanbin’s existence was intentional. He wouldn’t be able to see if Hanbin cared anyway. The only thing that went through his mind as he broke into a jog was the fact that Hanbin didn’t say much of anything and he didn’t stop Junhoe from leaving either. Why?

_Because he doesn’t care._

_He was there for Bobby, not you._

Junhoe cupped his hand over his mouth. It was his first meeting with Hanbin where they didn’t share a kiss and Junhoe noted how empty he felt.

Maybe he really did change their algorithm when he chose to be selfish. Maybe he had made a bad decision. Maybe he had ultimately screwed up.

Junhoe returned to his place in record time, front door slammed after he stormed through it. Donghyuk who sat studying at their shared desk startled at the suddenness of everything.

“Junhoe, what hap-“

“Oh shut up,” Junhoe barked back, blazing irises avoiding Donghyuk completely before he rummaged through his things and disappeared into the bathroom.

Donghyuk, silenced, adjusted his glasses after the shock, lips zipped tight and eyes drawn back to the book on the desk. He knew his best friend was troubled.

He tried to understand.

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Junhoe rarely stayed in his dorm anymore.

He didn’t want to stay idle and let his mind cloud up with thoughts of Hanbin anymore. He was sick of it. Junhoe started to busy himself by hanging out with his social circle and they were more than happy to have him around again. He started going to the library a lot to read books and study, trying to jam things into his head to occupy his mind completely.

He also stopped by Yunhyeong’s café every evening instead of going back to his place, hogging up all the muffins and pretending that those were the only thing that mattered in his life.

“Jee, I can’t wait to go bankrupt in a month or so,” Yunhyeong commented sarcastically when he stood in front of Junhoe who was stuffing his face with free pastries. The younger looked up.

“I’ll pay you back,” he said through a mouthful.

“With what money?” Yunhyeong asked with a deep frown on his face, knowing well enough that Junhoe could not—and would _rather not_ pay for them.

“I-…” Junhoe uttered, swallowing before he spoke again. “I know. I’ll work for you. Use my salary to pay everything. I’ll do it. I mean it,” he said quickly, mind working faster than he had ever bothered to put it to work. A job could make someone busier, Junhoe thought. That was just what he needed.

To avoid the pain of longing, to avoid the guilt of betrayal, Junhoe did not hesitate.

A few days after getting a job, Junhoe who was busy with closing-time cleaning was distracted by a text from Donghyuk, bringing his attention from the mop in his hands to the phone that he plucked out of his pocket.

_\- Where are you? Are you gonna be back for dinner? I got takeout._

_\- At work. Be back in 1 hour. I’ll reheat the food. Go sleep._

And that, Junhoe realized, was the first time he ever mentioned about getting a job to his friend.

_\- Wait, you work now? Where?_

_Why didn’t you tell me?_ Junhoe heard the unspoken question.

_\- Yun’s. Gtg Dong good night._

Junhoe waited in a prolonged silence as he read that Donghyuk was typing. The message that appeared was a lot shorter than Junhoe expected.

_\- Take care._

Even so, he left it on read.

Besides the first thing in the morning, Junhoe only ever saw his roommate late at night when his roommate had already fallen asleep, either at his bed or his desk. When the former happened, Junhoe would try to be as silent as he could be so that his friend could rest. Else, he would wake Donghyuk up with a single clap on the shoulder and head straight for his bed without a word.

As days passed, Junhoe slowly found that his whole routine had changed. Always running along with time, always running from the life he once lead, always running until fatigue overtook him. Naturally, his personal poem book and pencil laid untouched for weeks.

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“What? You hate seeing me now?” Junhoe questioned Seungyoon as the two students exit the club and step out into the chilly night air.

“No. I’m just saying that I wasn’t expecting to see you around a lot oh so suddenly. You know, you were kinda up in the clouds just before,” Seungyoon mumbled, shrugging his shoulders slightly. It was clear that the older was trying to avoid mentioning someone. Junhoe was grateful for that.

“I’ve just been hella busy and this is entirely for de-stressing,” Junhoe replied with the same shrug. He could feel Seungyoon stare at him intently from the corner of his eyes, questioningly or calculatedly, he did not know.

“Well alright then. At least the dance floor’s a little more exciting nowadays,” Seungyoon huffed a laugh and Junhoe smiled thinly. When they had to part for their own dormitory buildings, Seungyoon wished him good night and gave his shoulder a little encouraging squeeze before he walked off. Junhoe pretended to not know what it was for.

The pavements were lit by dim streetlights, a single one flickering as it must have needed a bulb change. Junhoe continued his way past the outdoor sports courts, walking quickly before he halted right where he last saw Hanbin. He stared at where he remembered Hanbin stood, a strange, indescribable expression looking back at him, and his feet moved without consent, bringing him past the fencing that surrounded the basketball court.

_Did you feel too bad to tell me that I’m not worth it?_

Junhoe wished he was an expert in reading expressions.

_Or was Bobby’s presence the factor that held you back?_

He wished he was a know-it-all in human psychology so that he could understand the mixed signals that Hanbin had been giving him the whole time. He wished he could understand. Junhoe slowly sat down and leaned back against the fence, eyes carefully falling shut so he could enjoy the momentary peace of night.

“Ah, I knew I’d eventually find you here, Sebastian.”

Eyes immediately shot open, Junhoe sprung up to his feet as if the fence behind him was made of burning umber. He whipped around and stumbled a few steps back, the intruder to his peace lifting his hands up in defense.

“Woah, woah, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” Bobby said quickly, hands slipping into his pockets soon after. “I just want to talk.”

The rapid beat of Junhoe’s heart did not calm in the slightest. He balled up his shaking hands and sunk his nails into his skin, trying to snap himself out of the sudden rush of anxiety. He cleared his throat and his fists carefully unfurled.

“Yeah? What about?” Junhoe asked, wincing at how his voice cracked a little.

“Hanbin,” Bobby said easily and gestured to a bench nearby with a tilt of his head. Junhoe’s eyes flickered about in a nervous tick before he followed Bobby to the aforementioned bench.

“I guess I’m gonna get us straight to the point,” Bobby said as he plopped down onto the weathered wood, leaning back and propping a leg up with his knee. Junhoe slipped onto the bench and sat as far away from Bobby as he could, which was not that far since the bench itself was a three-seater. Voiceless, Junhoe nodded for Bobby to continue.

“So… I know you know he’s my boyfriend, but you’ve slept with him, right?” Bobby’s direct question made Junhoe’s stomach flop, but Bobby looked unbothered when he threw the question in. Junhoe tugged onto his collar which felt like it was suffocating him before speaking.

“Yeah. I asked about it and he said you both sleep around,” Junhoe answered as evenly as he could, shifting a little in his seat. Again, he was surprised at how Bobby seemed unfazed by his answer.

“Yeah, we have an open relationship,” Bobby said as-a-matter-of-factly and eyed Junhoe. “The thing is, it’s a whole different story when Hanbin starts frequenting to a single person.” Junhoe couldn’t stop the distressed grunt that came from the back of his throat.

“Of course. Hanbin-hyung told you everything, didn’t he? I know, I know it was wrong but it was my fau-“

“Wait,” Bobby intercepted, lifting a hand to silence the younger. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I didn’t come here to confront you about a cheating boyfriend case. I came here to tell you that whatever you’re doing to him- or for him, I guess… Keep doing it.”

“What the fuck?” Junhoe shot back immediately, forehead creased in utter shock and disbelief. He wondered if he was hearing right or if his panicked heart had rendered his eardrums ruined.

Bobby frowned and gave a little shrug, turning away to look at the open space ahead of him.

“He seems to be doing good with you. Happy and stuff. I just think that maybe he’d be better off with you instead of me,” Bobby muttered, a little distracted from the conversation—or he was just a little spaced out.

Junhoe’s jaw dropped as he glared incredulously at Bobby.

He imagined Hanbin. He imagined sharp eyes with gentle curves, fair skin over high cheekbones and pink lips pulled into a beautiful smile. He imagined heart-warming laughter, soulful singing and a warm touch. He imagined the one person he would turn the world over for and right before him existed a man who would let him go _just like that._

“Just like that?” Junhoe questioned in a hard voice, nervousness washed over with disbelief and anger. Bobby must have been taken off guard by the sudden change in tone because he looked over quickly.

“Don’t get me wrong. I care about Hanbin and all but-“

“But?” Junhoe rudely prompted, teeth gritted. It surprised the older again but he continued, a sheepish smile slipping onto his face.

“ _But_ I know I’m not enough for Hanbin. Hanbin deserves better. I’ve seen how he’s a lot happier these past few weeks and after a little… spying, I’m sure you’re the person who’s making him feel that way-“

“It sure as hell isn’t you.” In an instant, Bobby’s face fell. Junhoe kept clenching and unclenching his jaw, his mind a messy concoction of anger, disbelief, disappointment and many more.

“… Excuse me?” Bobby eyebrows knitted, his gaze turning intense. Brain in panic mode, Junhoe couldn’t help but chuckle humorlessly; another nervous tick of his.

“He was probably never happy with you anyway. If he was, he wouldn’t be looking for me, would he? He wouldn’t have agreed to the open relationship thing in the first place if he was happy with you and only you, that’s obvious. Glad that you’ve finally found out,” Junhoe’s mouth went on without stopping, and he could see how Bobby was slowly tensing more and more.

“Look, it’s not that simple,” Bobby began.

“Sure, but it’s simple enough for you to make up your mind and leave him _just like that_ ,” Junhoe snapped quickly and his lips absentmindedly quirked into a little smirk.

That was probably the biggest mistake yet.

“Don’t you fucking dare run your mouth like you know us so well!” Bobby growled, and it was only a split second when Junhoe caught sight of a clenched fist heading his way. In that very moment he could have chosen to move away but he chose to accept it instead; the consequences of his bad choices.

Like lighting the pain struck him square in the face, shocking his senses like electric, making them numb. The impact pushed his barely seated body to the ground and he rolled over and cupped a hand over the stinging sensation on his lips. His fingers brush a warm fluid and he checked to see if it was what he thought it was.

_Hah, he busted my lip._

Junhoe felt like laughing, but the slightest stretch of his lips would hurt him. He pushed to sit up, eyes hesitantly looking up to Bobby’s figure that loomed above him.

“What makes you think you know us so well, huh? Just because you think Hanbin picked you over me? You don’t get to fucking say shit about us! You don’t know a single shit about Hanbin and you certainly don’t fucking know anything about me,” Bobby’s voice was loud and menacing, slicing through the still air of the night to be heard from miles. Junhoe flinched and looked down; ashamed.

“Nothing to say? Good, ‘cause I’m done with you. You know what? Forget about what I said. You’re no better for Hanbin. You’re pathetic. If I find out that you’ve been near him again I’ll beat you to a _pulp_ ,” Bobby hissed venomously before he turned on his heels, trudging out of the basketball court and away from Junhoe’s sight.

Junhoe sat in silence, the night suddenly so dead that not a single being made a noise. Junhoe felt his lip quiver and his bones grew weak, his body flopping back down to the ground. For a while he stared at nothing until he lifted his hand, eyes following the streaks of red before his vision blurred immensely.

Warm streams started from the corners of his eyes and through his bloodied lips he whispered a word he barely ever used in his life.

“I’m sorry…”


	5. Realization Hit Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today has been a tiring day  
> ... :'D
> 
> Also! If any of you have Twitter and would be interested in a short JunBin AU and/or a JunHwan AU,  
> then feel free to find my AUs in my account @dawnskull !  
> They're still ongoing lol, I'm juggling too much but hey, I love it, you all seem to love it,  
> I think it's worth it.

BANG BANG BANG

“Junhoe, what are you doing in there for so long? I have to use the bathroom too! Please don’t tell me you’re constipated,” Donghyuk whined just outside the bathroom door, his knuckles a little sore from all the knocking he had done for the past 10 minutes.

“Are you okay in there? Did you faint? Say something!” His voice rung through the thin door again, a little worried edge to his tone. Anything could have happened to Junhoe with how he took too long in the shower and how he was dead silent.

Dead.

Donghyuk had heard of stories where a person slipped in the bathroom and injured their head, leading to a fatal consequence. That was the last thing he wanted to happen to his roommate, and Junhoe’s complete silence was not helping with his worry.

Fortunately for Donghyuk, Junhoe was mostly fine… physically. His emotional state could not claim the same sentiment, though.

Fully clothed, Junhoe was seated on the cold and wet tiles, legs folded and head lowered, the shower pouring over him endlessly. He stared at the transparent doors that started to fog up, eyes lidded halfway to keep the water from running into them. His fingers had wrinkled up from where they laid limply on his thighs.

_”You’re no better for Hanbin.”_

_Yeah?_

_”You’re pathetic.”_

_That’s… that’s just about right._

Another set of knocks resounded throughout the small bathroom space, each rap of the knuckle sounding desperate.

“Junhoe! Junhoe say something or I’ll bring this door down! Junhoe please!”

Junhoe’s eyes finally flickered to the door, his gaze as cold as the air against his wet skin. A soft sigh escaped his lips. He felt that he burdened Donghyuk enough but he never stopped worrying over Junhoe’s wellbeing.

They’ve always been like family, Junhoe reminded himself, but he felt like punching himself for the same reason.

He stood up slowly, his body feeling fatigued even when it was just the start of the day. He turned the water off and pulled the shower doors open, the rumbling of the doors that made way for Junhoe’s exit alerting Donghyuk outside.

“Junhoe? Oh my god, you’re okay,” came the relieved words as Junhoe stripped out of his wet clothes and tossed them into a corner. He dried up and changed into the clean clothes he had brought in. Letting the wet strands of his hair fall over his face, he finally opened the door for Donghyuk.

As expected, Donghyuk was standing right in front of the door, his forehead creased in concern.

“W-what happened to your lip…” Donghyuk asked quietly, knowing that Junhoe had been hating those kinds of questions as of late.

Junhoe lifted his gaze to meet the other’s, no anger or spite in his eyes, just a perplexed look with a question on the tip of his tongue. His reddened, bruised lips parted but no words fell out, Donghyuk’s patience unrewarded, and so Junhoe closed them once more.

He smiled a painful smile, both literally and figuratively, then slipped past Donghyuk and headed for his nightstand to grab his phone and wallet. He felt a pair of eyes on him but he said nothing, rushing to leave the dorm again for the rest of the day.

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

There were many questions about the cut on his lip, be it from classmates, colleagues or his boss Yunhyeong, but all Junhoe would say was that it was an accident that happened because he was not thinking.

Well, it wasn’t a lie, somewhat.

“Wow, really? I thought you got punched by a thug or something.”

Junhoe only chuckled at that.

The day carried on with a strange numbness to his senses. He was hearing but not listening, verbalizing but not speaking, living but not alive. Time went faster than it usually did that day. In a blink of an eye, Junhoe realized he was already dropping his apron, marking the end of his shift.

His shifts ended early on weekends because the later shifts were already taken by other youngsters around the block. On days like these, Junhoe would result in heading to the club to waste the rest of his day with drinks and dancing. Even so, he didn’t feel like doing it that day. He didn’t want an even larger audience to discover his busted lip. Some people might not let him off so easily with his simple answer, especially his circle of close club-going friends.

With his usual option crossed out, he turned to head home. Donghyuk had gotten the idea that he should avoid questioning now, so that meant that Junhoe didn’t have to worry about having to admit his faults. Not yet.

As Junhoe approached his shared apartment which was just around the corner, he dug into his pocket to pull out his keys. He turned the corner but looked down at his hand that was somehow stuck in his pants, needing a stronger tug to get them out. The keys finally get freed with a loud jingle.

“Junhoe? He’s not here- Oh, there he is.”

Junhoe’s head immediately jerked up on the mention of his name. His questioning gaze fell on someone else, however. Kim Hanbin stood in front of the open door that Donghyuk had poked his head through. Both of them were looking at Junhoe. Junhoe froze in place.

_Shit._

“Junhoe!” Hanbin scampered towards Junhoe, only slowing when he saw the condition of Junhoe’s lip. “Oh god… Your lip…” he muttered quietly and reached up to gently caress the span of Junhoe’s chapped skin, thumb hovering over the injury.

Junhoe didn’t move, eyes flickering between Donghyuk’s half surprised, half confused expression and Hanbin’s resentful one. His breath was caught in his lungs. If Donghyuk was as smart as Junhoe always knew him for—and he was—then he could easily add two and two together and figure out the source of Junhoe’s growing troubles all this time.

Hanbin did a frustrated click of his tongue before lurching forward and pulling Junhoe into a tight hug, the tightness speaking of apology and longing. The younger of the two turned rigid, unsure if he should even touch someone he didn’t deserve as well as letting a third party witness them, but then he heard Hanbin’s murmurs of apologies and suddenly everything else did not matter anymore.

“Sorry, I’m sorry… I’m sorry… he told me everything.”

Tossing Bobby’s warning to the back of his mind, Junhoe wrapped his arms around Hanbin and held the older close, lips pressed into his temple. He breathed Hanbin’s scent in slowly, his chest swelling with how much fondness bloomed as his longing was quenched.

Or maybe it was love that he felt, breaking through the wall of Junhoe’s heart that had thinned with every soft smile and gentle touch Hanbin left him. Was it even a maybe anymore? Junhoe didn’t know why he was still questioning it.

“If so, then you should know that you can’t be here…” Junhoe whispered weakly but he couldn’t let go. To think that he screwed his open chance, one with Bobby’s consent, to be with Hanbin nearly got him insane. His mind nagged about how someone gave up a precious person when indirectly, he almost did the same thing.

“But I missed you,” Hanbin murmured against his shoulder. The hug only grew tighter, both sinking into warmth that felt like they were made for each other and Junhoe could feel how the knots in his heart unfurled effortlessly.

 _I missed you too,_ Junhoe’s mind urged but the words got stuck in his throat. He was overwhelmed by Hanbin’s existence after being deprived of it for so long. To hold him, hear his voice and kiss his skin, every bit of it filled his chest to the brim.

When they parted, a gentle hand tapped Junhoe lightly on the shoulder and they both turn to Donghyuk’s polite smile.

“The place is free if you two need some space for yourselves,” Donghyuk said in a voice that could never be more kind. When Junhoe tossed him a look of worry he only nodded in reassurance before he walked off, leaving Junhoe to watch his retreating back helplessly.

“That’s Donghyuk, right? He’s as great as you said… I’m sorry if I ruined something you had with him,” Hanbin said and Junhoe quickly turned back and shook his head.

“We don’t,” he said quickly. “…and even if we had anything at all, it’s only ruined because of me. I’ve wronged him too much, hyung…” Junhoe closed his eyes and his face scrunched faintly with pain. When he opened his eyes again, he cupped Hanbin’s cheek.

“Just as how I’ve wronged both Bobby… and you,” he spoke quietly, his thumb caressing the skin under Hanbin’s eye and Junhoe started to notice how dull it was. He scanned Hanbin’s features carefully.

Hanbin was still beautiful, but he looked undeniably exhausted. With faint eye bags smudged on rough skin, Junhoe could make his guesses on why the older seemed sleep-deprived.

“We broke up,” Hanbin helpfully supplied but before Junhoe could say anything, Hanbin waved him off and gestured towards the front door that was left slightly ajar. “Let’s go inside… I’m really tired.”

Junhoe acceded with a single nod of his head, leading the older male into the apartment with as much as just walking ahead of him. Junhoe felt a little disconnected with himself as he stepped in, waiting for the other to enter as well before closing the door. He hung his jacket up and turned on his heels to find that Hanbin had made himself comfortable on the couch, back sunken into the cushions and his limbs splayed limply by his sides.

Junhoe exhaled quietly through his nose before he walked up to the older. He hovered awkwardly for a moment, unsure of the ways of hospitality, before he spoke.

“Do you need some water, hyung? Or anything at all?” He asked and Hanbin stared at the pitch black screen of the television for a few beats before he shook his head and looked up, a hand outstretched for Junhoe to take.

“Just need you,” Hanbin mumbled and Junhoe’s stomach fluttered with both good and bad feelings. Either way, Hanbin guided him to sit and immediately curled up into his side, clinging onto the younger’s arm.

They sat like that for a while, both minds lost in their own troubled worlds. Junhoe had eventually leaned his head onto Hanbin’s and he played with the fingers of Hanbin’s hand that had detached from his arm. He gnawed at his lip, nervous as if the prolonged silence was meant to be filled by his words.

“I’m sorry,” he said earnestly though his voice sounded lame in his ears. When Hanbin said nothing, Junhoe anxiously peered over at the form that breathed evenly beside him. Hanbin fell asleep.

“Ah, hyung…” Junhoe sighed in relief when Hanbin’s silence wasn’t because of a sense of disappointment, but rather because he drifted off. Carefully prying Hanbin off of him, Junhoe looped an arm around Hanbin’s shoulders and another under his knees, pulling the male close to his chest before he slowly picked him up, mindful not to wake him.

As careful as he was, Hanbin still stirred half-awake.

“Junhoe…” he mumbled against Junhoe’s chest as his hazed eyes peeked up at Junhoe. Junhoe sent him a small smile before he focused ahead of him, maneuvering around a small coffee table to get to the bedroom. He struggled in getting the door open.

“You can put me down, you know,” Hanbin suggested but he looked a little too comfortable in Junhoe’s arms. If Junhoe wasn’t wholeheartedly smitten for him, he would have considered it.

“It’s okay, hyung. I got it,” Junhoe said and just like magic words he finally opened the door and walked in, kicking it close before setting Hanbin down onto his own bed. Hanbin immediately, albeit shamelessly, rolled into the covers like the bed was his and Junhoe smiled fondly at that, flinching only slightly when his lips stung.

“This pillow smells like you,” the sleepy man commented as he tucked a pillow of Junhoe’s right under his nose, his eyes falling shut as he breathed softly. Junhoe felt warmth creep up to his cheeks, the scene playing in front of him making his heart bubble.

“I hope that’s a good thing,” he found it in his messed self to joke and the giggle that came afterwards was like a splash of water that refreshed him.

“Well duh. If it wasn’t then I’d just toss this away,” Hanbin rolled his eyes behind droopy eyelids. He set the pillow back where he took it from and patted on it, wanting Junhoe to join him. Junhoe was still hesitant but he complied, slipping into the space right beside Hanbin and just like before, Hanbin immediately curled into him.

It didn’t take much for Hanbin to fall back asleep. Surrounded by a comforting warmth and a scent that was accented by the smell of roasted coffee beans, he was immediately lulled back into slumber.

Junhoe stayed up for a while, the clock that read 8PM on the wall showing that it was too early for Junhoe’s usual sleep schedule, but while his own senses were drowned in the presence of Hanbin, he eventually drifted off with his little piece of heaven in his arms.

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

Junhoe woke up to the sounds of rustling outside the room. Hanbin had unconsciously rolled away during his sleep so Junhoe swiftly sat up and his eyes darted around the room. Just as he freed a leg from the blankets to step out of bed, the door cracked open and he was on high alert.

Donghyuk’s head poked in through the opening and the man was equally as surprised to see Junhoe as Junhoe was to see him, but he immediately looked away.

“Oh,” Donghyuk mouthed, aware of the person sleeping soundly next to Junhoe. He crept in and Junhoe caught sight of the duffel bag that was slung over his shoulder.

“Wait, where are you going?” Junhoe asked in a whisper loud enough for Donghyuk to hear. He could see how Donghyuk sighed before looking over his shoulder, not even bothering to turn completely like he always would.

“Sleeping at Jinu-hyung’s. I’ve got an assignment to get done,” he replied curtly and quickly grabbed a few things from his drawer. He stuffed the items into his bag that was halfway unzipped then without a word, he slipped back out. Before Junhoe could call after him, the door shut with a quiet click.

Junhoe sighed in frustration before he dropped back down onto the mattress, eyes pinned to the plastered ceiling. The small impact made Hanbin stir and in a second he rolled back into Junhoe’s side and threw his arm over Junhoe’s middle. Junhoe’s attention shifted fully to Hanbin again.

A gentle light shone through the thin curtains that Junhoe had bought for the room a while ago, and it meant that daytime was approaching. In that gentle glow Junhoe could see the curves and edges of Hanbin’s features, from his creaseless forehead to his soft lips, Junhoe couldn’t help but stare.

The room slowly lit up as the day outside became brighter and similarly, the glow of Hanbin’s skin made itself apparent. Junhoe took a deep breath and held it as he traced the lines of Hanbin’s features with his fingers, not being able to resist the urge to do so, and he caressed the soft skin that slightly puffed up with sleep.

Something pulled him in like gravity until his lips met Hanbin’s, moving slowly with the touch as light as a feather. He lingered to preserve the warmth and sweetness, the contact like an ailment to his sore lips.

Upon pulling away Junhoe wondered if it was alright to steal kisses like that, but he regretted nothing. He only focused on curvy lips, high cheekbones and a pair of beautiful eyelashes gracing lids that fluttered open to reveal irises in the color of dark chocolate.

Hands down, there was no more running from it. He was in love.

“You always look at me like that,” Hanbin’s comment broke Junhoe’s reverie and Junhoe's cheeks burn immediately.

“Huh? L-like what?” Hanbin shrugged with a single shoulder.

“I don’t know… It was like that when I first saw you too. You… You looked like you saw the best thing in life,” Hanbin explained, but when he heard himself he started to blush as well.

“I did,” Junhoe answered without a moment’s worth of hesitation and it made Hanbin blush brighter, lip bitten to prevent a grin from showing. Junhoe had to fight the desire to surge forward and cover Hanbin in kisses with how adorable his hyung looked.

“No one’s ever looked at me like that, not even Bobby. When I saw that look, I couldn’t help but wish it was for me… and only me,” Hanbin said and nuzzled into the crook of Junhoe’s neck. “Call me disgusting or unfaithful or whatever… but I think I fell in love with you right there and then.”

At Hanbin’s confession, the butterflies in Junhoe’s stomach flutter awoken.

“You’re not disgusting… Never,” Junhoe said as he moved away a little to tilt Hanbin’s chin up and Hanbin instinctively closed his eyes. Junhoe leaned in but stopped right before Hanbin’s lips, moving to gently kiss Hanbin’s eyelid instead.

When he leaned back he looked at Hanbin again, the older male sporting an uncertain look that Junhoe wished he could wipe off. He noticed that Hanbin’s gaze had fallen on his injured lips and so he pursed them.

“This is all because of me, really,” Junhoe admitted as he sat up, feeling the miserableness prod at him again. He bent forward and stuffed his face into his hands. “And that night… it was my fault. I just couldn’t get him, hyung. You’re everything to me yet he just- he just tossed you away like you meant nothing. I was so angry. I lost control.”

Hanbin shifted under the covers and sat up. He scooted closer to the younger male and enveloped him in a back hug.

“I’m everything to you?” Hanbin asked and Junhoe pulled his palms away.

“Uhm- Yes… But that wasn’t the point of what I was saying, hyung,” Junhoe said quietly and his lips pull into a wry smile.

“But that _is_ what’s important, right?” Hanbin pointed out and Junhoe was suddenly silenced by the weight of Hanbin’s words.

_What’s important?_

“But-“ Junhoe started but he had nothing to continue with. He felt as Hanbin’s head was tucked into the dip of his shoulder, warm breath tickling his neck. The older hummed in question, awaiting Junhoe’s contradicting opinion, but there wasn’t any.

“You think a lot, don’t you?” Hanbin uttered with no intention of making his words a question. He pressed a kiss onto Junhoe’s clothed shoulder and tightened the embrace. “Thank you… for thinking so hard for me. You really deserve an explanation by now… and this is why this mess is my fault too, because I never made anything clear for you.”

Junhoe craned his neck to look at Hanbin but the latter buried his face into Junhoe’s shoulder, gaining some strength from the solid form in his arms.

“I love you,” Hanbin muttered in an exhale and both of them could feel how Junhoe’s heart skipped a beat.

“And I thought I’ve been in love before,” he continued as he shifted to lightly rest his cheek against Junhoe so he could speak better.

“Bobby was my first love,” Junhoe felt Hanbin’s hand reaching for his. He surrendered it palms up and thus their fingers intertwined. “I thought he was.”

“But I was wrong, Junhoe. He was my best friend and I only dated him because I knew no one else would want me… and well, Bobby seemed like he could want anyone,” Hanbin continued, voice gradually getting shaky. Junhoe wanted to turn around to gather Hanbin in his arms but Hanbin denied him of it.

_He’s scared too… Just like you._

Junhoe understood.

“You can imagine how easy Bobby got tired of me in the romantic role when he asked for us to make the relationship open barely two weeks after. I-I hated it, you know? There was never a commitment in the first place, but stupid me just went with it because I knew otherwise, Bobby would leave me,” Hanbin huffed, trying to get rid of the tightness in his chest.

“And that was stupid too, because he would never leave me. As a boyfriend, yes, but as a friend… a best friend, he would never. Bobby knew how I felt and that’s why when you appeared, he didn’t mind giving me over. I should have told you all of this earlier, really. We could have avoided all this…”

Junhoe nodded in understanding, every bit of information as if being a key that unleashed padlocked chains that have weighed Junhoe’s whole world down onto his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Hanbin whispered, and Junhoe finally broke free from his arms to take him in his own arms in return. By Hanbin’s ear he whispered, “Thank you,” and he left it up for Hanbin to figure out what for, because there were too many reasons for him to say all at once.

When Hanbin pulled away he looked at the clock.

“I’ve got to go soon. Class is starting a little early today,” he said as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Yeah, me too,” Junhoe replied, and after a pause he spoke cautiously. “How are you and Bobby right now?” Hanbin’s wry smile told him enough.

“I’ve gotta go apologize to him. Things blew up yesterday and we called each other stupid things and said even dumber things. Plus, we’re roommates so I’d like it if we made up quick. I’m not used to arguing with him, really. No matter how many times we’ve argued.”

“Yeah…” Junhoe thought of his own best friend and his gut twisted. He was not good at apologies at all, every word of his jumbling up in his head and clogging his lungs.

When they were both ready, Junhoe walked Hanbin to the door. He would have done so all the way to Hanbin’s class, but neither of them were ready to make their unofficial statuses known.

Junhoe bent down as Hanbin tiptoed, returning the kiss that was planted on his lips while his little heart thudded with fondness.

“Bye, Junhoe-yah… I hope things will get better soon, really, for the both of us. Let’s do our best,” Hanbin said before he stepped out into the hallway, sending a small smile over his shoulder before he left.

Junhoe breathed deeply after the door was finally shut closed, trying to sort out his chaotic mix of emotions that sprouted from one fated meeting. He thought of Hanbin, then of how Hanbin was about to mend the broken ends with his closest friend.

And then Junhoe thought of his own closest friend, his brother from a different mother, and decided that he too should fix the large tear he pierced into their trust and loyalty. He looked around the apartment, noting how he was the only living being in there besides Donghyuk’s plants that perched by the windows, decorating the apartment with greens and purples.

_It’s about time now… But will Donghyuk ever come back?_

The answer seemed obvious to Junhoe when he laid alone in his room that night, waiting till the next dawn for his friend to appear, the space housing two beds but only one holding the warmth of a person present.

_Will he?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully your questions on DoubleB have been answered somewhat ;w;  
> Do help point out my typos! I'm too tired to read through again... lol
> 
> Ahh, hurry fic! I wanna get outta this depressing arc and write more fluff D:<  
> Y'all can obviously see how I can't stop myself from slipping fluff in somewhere haha.


	6. Pleading  For Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This chap is a lot more JunDong centered but there's sappy JunBin at the end!  
> *VERY LIGHT mentions of attempting suicide(?)  
> *Let's see how Junhoe earned himself two angels on earth...

Junhoe strolled about the campus grounds after his English class, taking in some air after a long day. The sky was in purplish-blues while an orange blaze edged the horizon, and the students that walked by had all the same destinations to get back to; to the safety of their homes before nightfall gave way to darkness. They were especially rushed because the sky had darken more than usual that day, heavy clouds rolling by to obstruct what little light the sun had left to offer. The breeze that blew against swaying trees and ruffled up hair felt cooler, the air smelling damp.

It was about to rain.

When Junhoe noticed this, he sped up in his tracks and began down a path that had a roof overhead. It would provide him some shade for the upcoming downpour at least. Just as he escaped the light drizzle of rain, someone came rushing past, a canvas bag over their head to shield themselves from getting wet.

Junhoe couldn’t recognize the person that breezed by, but he caught a glimpse of blonde hair and he hoped for a second that it was someone he knew. When he turned to look, the person was gone. Shaking his head, he decided to ignore the unsettled feeling in his stomach as he continued to his apartment. The last thing he needed now was for the rain to hold him captive under its downpour.

The front door swung open slowly as Junhoe nudged it with his elbow after unlocking it with little fumbling. He toed off his shoes and made his way into the room and to his bed, tugging his damp shirt to change into a warm sweater before he dropped himself onto his mattress.

It was weird, lying there. With no Donghyuk burrowed in the sheets of his bed on the other side of the room or slouched in his chair by the desk studying, Junhoe couldn’t help but feel that things were out of place. The way the thunder rumbled overhead added to the lack of warmness of it all.

Donghyuk never told him for how long he would be away. A few days had pass… almost bleeding into a week. What if he never came back? What if staying away gave him the idea that he could avoid Junhoe’s emotional wreckage and heartless remarks? What if Donghyuk had regretted the decision to ever stick around with Junhoe in the first place?

Two faint, consecutive dings shake Junhoe out of his thoughts. He reached for his phone inside his pocket and opened up the text that had just rolled in.

_< [Hey babe, are you done with class?]_  
_< [It’s raining outside. Don’t dance in it please]_

Junhoe’s gaze softened immediately when the text sender was Hanbin. He was glad. In the series of troubles and stress, Hanbin slowly became a companion that was capable of clearing his head and calming his heart, holding him while the impact from his mistakes shook his entire being.

_[i’m not that dumb, Binnie. and yes i’m inside right now. wyd?] >_

_< [That’s a 100% debatable but I’ll let you have it for now <3]_  
_< [I’m helping Bobby with music history]_  
_< [Um]_  
_< [Any news?]_

_[no… i tried to go to Jinu’s but he’s never there when I visit.] >_

_< [I’m sorry… You need my help?]_

_[don’t apologize… i deserve this. i just i don’t know what to do anymore.] >_

Right as the last text was sent, there was loud knocking on the door and the abruptness almost sent Junhoe’s phone flying out of his grip. The knocking came again, frantic, so Junhoe scrambled to get the door open, distracted from the rest of the dings that came from his phone.

“Yes-“Junhoe’s heart jumped to his throat when he immediately identified Donghyuk in his blonde hair, duffel bag held over his head while he was dripping rainwater. Outside, the rain was heavy and unforgiving.

“D-Donghyuk? Shit, you’re drenched,” Junhoe said and held the door open wide and Donghyuk stumbled in, head tucked close to his chest as he threw his bag aside. He was breathing hard—he must have been running in the rain—and Junhoe noted how his teeth chattered. Instantly, a familiar sense of protectiveness took over him.

“Hold on,” Junhoe said and quickly searched the room for Donghyuk’s towel, suddenly realizing that it must have been in his friend’s soaked bag. He snatched up a clean towel from the drawers and returned to Donghyuk, who had rid himself of his wet shirt, and draped the towel over his shoulders, wrapping it around his body once.

When Junhoe stepped away to look at Donghyuk’s face, the man suddenly tilted forwards, unbalanced. Junhoe caught him, securing his arms around Donghyuk’s shaking frame as Donghyuk’s head landed on his chest with a dull thud. His limbs hung lifelessly at his sides.

“Hey? Donghyuk? What the fuck, man? Are you okay?”

“Why are you always here?”

Junhoe heard Donghyuk’s mumble that was almost too quiet for him to catch and he snapped his mouth shut. Before he could even attempt to respond, Donghyuk pushed him away with a force so weak but Junhoe still stumbled backwards. His eyes never left his friend and it was easy to see how Donghyuk refused to look up at him.

“I need to take a shower. I don’t want to get sick,” Donghyuk mumbled almost to no one as he picked up his wet shirt and rummaged through his duffel bag for a few items. He entered the bathroom soon after and the lock clicked.

Junhoe was torn between two options. He wondered if it was wiser to leave the apartment due to the possibility that Donghyuk might not want him there or to stay just in case Donghyuk needed his help.

_Why are you always here?_

Junhoe swallowed. His throat was dry.

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Donghyuk took longer than usual—probably wanting to wash off the chills with warm water—so that gave Junhoe a lot of time to ponder about what to say now that he decidedly chose to stay. He thought of various ways to apologize but none of them seemed right. He didn’t believe any of them matched with the weight of his wrongs.

He groaned and ruffled his hair in frustration, hating how it was words that he was supposed to be good at, but it was also at words that he was the worst. He closed his eyes and arched over to perch his elbows on his knees. The groan that left him was a tired one.

“Just don’t leave…” Junhoe sighed aloud as he ran his fingers through his unkempt hair, tugging slightly in hopes that the better blood flow could help him think.

“Who don’t leave what?”

Junhoe’s head snapped up in surprise, eyes wide on Donghyuk who had just stepped out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. Junhoe quickly looked away in respect, as well as to hide the panic written clear on his face.

“Junhoe, did something happen?”

The question—ever so concerned, attentive and gentle—sent a painful pang to Junhoe’s chest. The uneasiness in his chest bubbled up to his throat, making it tighten as the corners of his eyes stung.

“A-Are you going out again?” Junhoe managed between deep breaths, his words clipped in the way that choked back tears. Crying would be bad. He wouldn’t be able to speak at all with that.

“Huh? In this weather? I’d think twice before getting myself soaked the second time… Unless you want me out?” Donghyuk asked and eyed Junhoe cautiously. When there was nothing but a soft shake of the head in return, Donghyuk moved to get himself dressed.

“Are you gonna be leaving any time soon?” Junhoe suddenly asked after a long pause and by that time, Donghyuk was fully dressed in a long-sleeved shirt and shorts.

“Why would I leave?” Donghyuk asked, still very confused. He walked over to his bed and sat on the edge, facing Junhoe with their knees inches away from touching.

Junhoe lifted his head slowly to meet his friend’s eyes.

“Why would you stay?” Junhoe said, voice small and cracking, tears beginning to brim in his eyes.

Donghyuk was taken aback at the question, a simple reply ready to be thrown back but then he realized that the question implied more than what he originally assumed. Of course, how could he miss that?

“This is where I live, Junhoe,” Donghyuk stated a fact that had Junhoe tittering humorlessly at. “Plus, I’d never leave you.”

At that, Junhoe pursed his lips, his gaze dropping to the floor.

“Why? I was an asshole. You kept on caring about me yet all I did was just push you away and yell at you and brush you off. Anyone would’ve just left. They would’ve just given up. You get nothing from staying.”

“For starters, I’m not anyone. And I’ll never give up on you and you know that,” Donghyuk said sternly, but then he looked down as well, taking a deep breath. “And if you won’t take that as an answer, then I’ll say this; I still owe you anyway.”

Junhoe’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but the dots connected quickly and his chest constricted painfully in response. He clutched tightly onto his kneecaps to ground himself. Even though calmer, it was easy to tell that Donghyuk was feeling the same way; like an old wound cut open again.

“You owe me nothing, Kim Donghyuk. Nothing,” he hissed through gritted teeth, something akin to a mix of anger and sadness igniting inside his chest at how Donghyuk spoke of a past that should have been forgotten.

Donghyuk shook his head.

“I owe you my li-“

“Don’t!” Junhoe snarled, his glare as if piercing through the solid flooring.

“Right. You’ve always hated it whenever I bring it up… Why again? Was it because of the blade I held? Or was it because I saw you cry for the first time?” Donghyuk asked genuinely with a sad smile on his face. Judging by his usage of words, it seemed that he wasn’t as affected of his own past as much as Junhoe was. Not anymore at least.

Junhoe finally looked up again, tears dreading to spill from his pleading eyes.

“D-Don’t…”

Flashes of memories passed through both their heads; of getting bullied and not being good enough on Donghyuk’s part, of seeing your best friend helpless on the floor and about to commit an irreversible act on Junhoe’s part.

_”Donghyuk…”_

_”W-why are you here?”_

_Donghyuk had witnessed, for the first time since they were kids, how his childhood friend’s lips quivered and how his usually intense gaze turned glassy and shattered, teeth sinking into lips to stop the sobs that eventually broke out._

_”It’s your birthday, you idiot!”_

Donghyuk didn’t think about the fact that he had lost track of time in his muddle of madness. He didn’t think of the fact that Junhoe used to visit him only on his birthdays because he moved to a neighborhood too far away.

He could only think about the blade Junhoe pulled from his hand and how he tossed it aside as if it was burning, about the shoebox-sized package Junhoe had dropped onto the floor when he walked in, and about the crying mess his friend had become in his arms.

_”W-why… Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you reach out to me? What if I n-never came, Dong? Fuck, I can’t lose you… N-not like this.”_

The tear-streaked face that Donghyuk had cupped in his hands years ago returned right before him, and Donghyuk had a small moment of déjà vu as he caressed his friend’s wet cheeks.

“Crazy isn’t it, how you transferred schools the very next week just to look after me?”

Junhoe managed to shake his head even when Donghyuk cradled it securely, trying to state the fact that _no,_ it wasn’t a crazy thing. It was nothing, but Donghyuk believed otherwise and just smiled.

“If you noticed, I still wear the sneakers you bought me that day. They’re my favorites, even if the colors were a bit of an eyesore at first.”

That statement pulled a scoff and a scowl out of Junhoe and Donghyuk laughed at him, quickly pulling his friend into a tight embrace which the younger was reluctant to reciprocate. However, he still did and the hold was nothing but tight.

“The past is the past, okay? But right now… A-aren’t you upset? Aren’t you hurt? I was stupid and fucking rude to you. You can’t deny that,” Junhoe mumbled right beside Donghyuk’s ear as his head rested on his chingu’s shoulder, Donghyuk rubbing comforting circles onto his back.

“Of course I’m upset, Junhoe. I’m still human. But… you doing all that isn’t the main reason I feel this way,” Donghyuk confessed and Junhoe pulled away with a perplexed look on his face, his hands coming up to wipe the bothersome wet trails that his tears left.

“I don’t… get it.”

“You’re always here.”

Junhoe’s expression twisted with more confusion at Donghyuk’s repetition of a sentence. Donghyuk chuckled and reached over to catch a stray tear that Junhoe missed.

“Somehow throughout these years, even in your silly bumbling, you’ve held me up when I felt like falling. I guess you’re not there all the time, but somehow you're always here at the _right_ time. And I want to return all that-“

“But you have,” Junhoe immediately cut in. It was stating the obvious, he thought.

“Not right now, though, and that’s what’s upsetting me. You keep going off somewhere and return with a stressful look or a pissed one… and oh god that busted lip was so scary. You were troubled and in trouble and I couldn’t help. You kept denying everything and I began to think… how bad of a friend am I?”

Junhoe sighed miserably, placing his hands on Donghyuk’s slouched shoulder, contemplating a moment before he pulled him into another hug.

“Not in the slightest… considering how you still came back after everything,” Junhoe said softly as he felt Donghyuk’s arms coil around him. He could feel Donghyuk relax in a way that he hadn’t been able to as of late.

The thought of still being important and appreciated must have comforted him. Junhoe took note, for once, that it was always those few things that kept people alive.

Along with love, perhaps.

They stayed like that for a while until Junhoe found it in his skinship-awkward self to pull away, but not before saying the second least used phrase in his life.

“Thank you, Donghyuk... for everything,” Junhoe mumbled, but he was genuine still. He let out a shaky breath and mustered up a smile, which was returned with Donghyuk’s eye-crinkling grin.

“Don’t mention it, really. But you do get the point of all of this… right?” Donghyuk asked. Junhoe’s smile was wry when he nodded, and Donghyuk tugged him by his fingers so he would flop onto Donghyuk’s bed instead. Junhoe merely sat by the edge of the bed but then Donghyuk pressed against his chest to make the younger lie down and he settled partially on top of Junhoe, arms wrapped around him loosely.

Junhoe remembered what started this habit; the time when a nightmare had frightened him so deeply that he needed someone to help him feel secure. They were young, merely children sleeping over the other’s house, and Junhoe was reminded once again of how long their bond had lasted.

He was grateful. In the sea of people he would be surrounded by, the few who meant the world to him were all angels.

“So… about this Hanbin guy?”

“About Hanbin…”

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Junhoe told Donghyuk everything. Starting from the bit that Donghyuk knew of which was when he first saw Hanbin up to their current closeness, he told the story from start to where it lay, hopefully unfinished till the ends of their lives. He might have narrated things a little too sappy for Donghyuk’s ears, but his friend listened to the very end.

“You’ve got to have me meet him properly someday,” Donghyuk said when Junhoe was done and the latter raised an eyebrow at his determined look.

“Yeah… sure but I guess-“ Both men jumped at the sudden knock on the front door. Donghyuk recovered almost immediately and sat up, pulling Junhoe along before he trudged up to the door. His hand was already on the doorknob when whoever their visitor was shouted from the outside.

“Junhoe? Junhoe-yah, are you there? I brought some tteokbokki!”

“Hanbin?” Junhoe muttered in surprise. Donghyuk was suddenly so eager to pull the door open, Hanbin's shocked expression coming into view.

“Tteokbokki, huh? You know his favorites already!” Donghyuk mused with an underlying smugness in his tone, but then he smiled cheerfully. “It’s nice to meet you again.”

“Oh! Hi there. You’re Donghyuk right?” Hanbin asked to which Donghyuk nodded. “I didn’t expect you to be here. I thought you were… uh- elsewhere?”

“I was… Oh dear, it’s cold out here. Why don’t you come in?” Donghyuk didn’t wait for Hanbin to answer before he ushered the elder into the apartment, Hanbin entering a little awkwardly with two bowls of tteokbokki he had bought from a street side stall. Lifting his gaze to look for a place to set the bowls down, his eyes widen at the sight of Junhoe standing from his seated position. His eyes flicker from Junhoe to Donghyuk a few times, confusion portrayed in the furrow of his brows.

“Hyung, I didn’t know you were coming over,” Junhoe said as he approached Hanbin, taking the bowls from him and placing them on the study desk before he enveloped the other in a hug.

Hanbin was stiff for a few moments, casting a few glances at Donghyuk whom he swore was not supposed to be around. The onlooker smiled warmly at him but he only blinked back dumbly before leaning over to Junhoe’s ear.

“I thought you said he disappeared?” Hanbin whispered. Junhoe sighed softly.

“He reappeared two hours ago. Miracles happen, would you believe that?”

“Wait, is that why you suddenly stopped answering my texts?” Junhoe leaned back enough to give Hanbin an apologetic look.

“Ah, sorry. I didn’t realize. He barged in like a sasquatch dripping rainwater and then we had a _long_ talk,” Junhoe explained and there was a wariness in how Hanbin looked at Donghyuk. Junhoe tilted his head questioningly at this, his mind working as diligent as it was silent.

He guessed that it was time to break the ice.

Junhoe pressed a soft kiss to Hanbin’s temple and took his hand gently, letting Hanbin’s fingers slip easily into the gaps between his own. He guided the elder to where Donghyuk stood observing them.

With the two men facing each other and Junhoe situated a little off to the side, he cleared his throat to break the light tenseness in the atmosphere. Junhoe felt his heart race all of the sudden, but then his head snapped up.

“Why the hell does this feel like I’m introducing you to my parents?”

Hanbin snorted, and soon Donghyuk joined him as they burst into fits of laughter. The light-hearted sound eased the thick air and Junhoe finally finds it in himself to smile.

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While the formal introductions went smoothly, Junhoe’s smile eventually flipped to a grimace when Hanbin and Donghyuk got a little too chummy around each other. They had moved to Junhoe’s bed to chat more comfortably, the tteokbokki bowls brought along, but the longer they sat there the more _discomfort_ Junhoe was feeling.

Donghyuk, being the _great_ friend that he was, started to share Junhoe’s embarrassing stories. Of course he had to act like those moms who embarrass their child in front of their love interest. _Of course._

“He thought the sun changed to the moon at night?” Hanbin laughed at the new pieces of Junhoe he had discovered. Although his laugh was always the greatest thing to Junhoe’s ears, Junhoe was unsure if sacrificing his pride was worth it. (It was, he knew.) He had to do something because it didn’t look like Donghyuk was about to stop any sooner.

“One would think it’s poetic, really,” Donghyuk shrugged but his lips were grinning, and Hanbin laughed a little more at how adorably silly Junhoe sounded through the stories.

“Oookay, that’s enough, _Dong._ Thank you for ruining my life, so shut up before I strangle you right here, right now!” Junhoe hissed the last part but Donghyuk only giggled at it. Like a familiar motion, he threw himself onto Junhoe and clung onto his arm as he laughed and Junhoe had too much heart to shove his traitor of a friend away.

Junhoe, however, did not realize that Hanbin’s smile faltered.

“Hey, hands off,” Hanbin snapped fiercely before he could catch himself, and the other two were silenced by shock more than anything. The apartment was suddenly in pin-drop silence when Donghyuk unlatched himself from Junhoe, and the way the best friends gaped at Hanbin made the eldest of the three flush brightly.

“S-sorry. I don’t know what-“ Hanbin rushed to explain himself but Donghyuk cut him off with his chipmunk-like cackle.

“Junhoe, you got yourself a possessive one! You’re gonna be in trouble now,” Donghyuk sing-songed cheekily. Junhoe was still in a shocked daze when Hanbin tossed him a questioning look. Donghyuk was helpful enough to fill in his curiosities.

“You know about Junhoe’s social status, don’t you? People mingle around him all the time.”

Hanbin perked up as the memory of a conversation they had in the studio some time ago returned to him. Junhoe told him that he let others touch him, hold him and cling to him. When Hanbin remembered this, his lips pulled into an uneasy smile. If he was this possessive, the possibility that he could annoy Junhoe in the future was certain.

“Yeah…” Hanbin muttered under his breath. He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and turned to apologize to Junhoe for acting out a little, but he was met with a pair of dark eyes staring back at him. Only then did he realize that Junhoe had leaned over, his face close enough to Hanbin’s that the older can count his beautifully curled eyelashes.

Hanbin's mouth fell open to utter a few words but the small gap between them had his breath caught in his lungs. Junhoe’s gaze softened, leaning forward a little more until his nose bumped gently against Hanbin’s, making the elder’s heart pound loudly in his chest. A soft nuzzle after, Junhoe let his eyes flutter shut before he pressed his lips softly against Hanbin’s.

The motive behind Junhoe’s actions, you ask? He was unsure. He had taken in the sharp look that Hanbin gave Donghyuk and it screamed territorial. In his daze he wondered why Hanbin would act that way but when he pondered over the being that was Hanbin, how he behaved and what he had gone through, the reason to his possessiveness was crystal clear. It was his insecurity, just as all other jealousies aroused from.

Junhoe wanted to extinguish Hanbin’s doubts.

Junhoe kissed him slowly, focusing on where it was warm and utterly soft, be it the feeling of Hanbin’s lips against his or the way they moved against each other in gentle caresses. The older responded a little hesitantly at first but soon enough he melted into the kiss, responding ever so slightly, letting Junhoe take the lead.

The mess of uncertain thoughts and dreaded possibilities vanished from Hanbin’s mind and he wasn’t sure what it was that did the trick. It could be the way Junhoe kissed him, patient and shallow, carrying the proof that they were connected beyond lustful tendencies. It could be the way Junhoe had carefully cradled the back of his head, guiding but not forcing, encouraging and protective.

It could also be because of the way Junhoe bravely kissed him before the witnessing eyes of Donghyuk, someone whom he was unconsciously threatened by, pronouncing loud and clear of whom Junhoe wished to love and be loved by in all that is romantic, wordlessly.

By the admiration in his gaze or by the warmth in his kiss, only Koo Junhoe was capable of cherishing him without a single use of words. After what felt like years but in reality only lasted minutes, the pair parted and their breaths mingled as they were caught in the beauty of each other’s sparkling eyes and flushed cheeks. Suddenly, an exaggerated cough broke the bliss.

“Are you guys done?” Donghyuk asked, not in an irritated manner but rather he was really curious since he had his eyes closed.

Junhoe laughed without a care in the world. He felt, for the first time after a long time, that his heart was filled to the brim and over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh... honestly, what do you guys think so far? Of JunBin? Of JunDong? Of the characters and the plot?


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